Archive for September, 2009

Gord Tep’s Top 15 All-Time Movies

You’ll find plenty of movies on this list that may not be considered among the elite in most people’s eyes, but that’s not what this is. The following films aren’t the most successful or necessarily even the best. These are just a a bunch of awesome movies I could watch over and over again. Also, instead of doing a boring review, I’m just listing a few of my “favorites” from each film.

Honorable mentions: Coming to America, Field of Dreams, Pumping Iron, Ghostbusters, Private Parts, Manhattan, Good Fellas.

nakedgun15. The Naked Gun (1988 – 1 hour, 25 minutes)
Logline: You’ve read the ad, now see the movie!
Favorite Character: Lt. Frank Drebin
Favorite Scene: Frank Drebin as the Ump at the baseball game
Favorite Quote: “Nice beaver!”

old school14. Old School (2003 – 1 hour, 31 minues)
Logline: All the fun of college, none of the education.
Favorite Character: Frank the Tank
Favorite Scene: The one with Vince Vaughn coughing, “Don’t do it!” at the wedding
Favorite Quote: “… Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.”

anchorman13. Anchorman (2004 – 1 hour, 34 minutes)
Logline: His news is bigger than your news.
Favorite Character: Rob Burgundy
Favorite Scene: When Ron meets Veronica at the party
Favorite Quote: “I’m in a glass case of emotion!”

pee-wee's big adventure12. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (1985 – 1 hour, 30 minutes)
Logline: The story of a rebel and his bike.
Favorite Character: Mickey
Favorite Scene: When Pee-Wee gives Francis and his father the trick gum
Favorite Quote: “I know you are, but what am I?”

the birdcage11. The Birdcage (1996 – 1 hour, 57 minutes)
Logline: Come as you are.
Favorite Character: Agador (Spartacus)
Favorite Scene: When Sen. Keeley finds out his GOP buddy died in bed with an underage black whore
Favorite Quote: “Oh yes… Coldeman. The ‘d’ is silent in America.”

dirty rotten scoundrels10. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988 – 1 hour, 50 minutes)
Logline: Nice guys finish last. Meet the winners.
Favorite Character: Freddy Benson
Favorite Scene: Freddy Benson trying to remember Lawrence Jamieson’s name in jail
Favorite Quote: “May I go to the bathroom?”

rocky9. Rocky (1976 – 1 hour, 59 minutes)
Logline: You have a ringside seat for the bloodiest bicentennial in history!
Favorite Character: Paulie
Favorite Scene: When Mickey tells Rocky breaking legs for a loan shark is a “waste of life!”
Favorite Quote: “You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!”

major league8. Major League (1989 – 1 hour, 37 minutes)
Logline: When these three oddballs try to play hardball, the result is totally screwball.
Favorite Character: Lou Brown
Favorite Scene: Rick Vaughn fighting with Roger Dorn in the locker room
Favorite Quote: “Suck my dick.”

manhattan murder mystery7. Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993 – 1 hour, 34 minutes)
Logline: n/a
Favorite Character: Larry Lipton
Favorite Scene: When Larry wakes up in the middle of the night after dreaming about ring card girls
Favorite Quote: “Claustrophia and a dead body – this is a neurotic’s jackpot!”

back to school6. Back to School (1986 – 1 hour, 36 minutes)
Logline: Registration starts Friday, June 13, at theaters everywhere.
Favorite Character: Thornton Melon
Favorite Scene: Professor Turgeson!
Favorite Quote: “Why don’t you call me sometime when you have no class.”

office space5. Office Space (1999 – 1 hour, 29 minutes)
Logline: Work Sucks.
Favorite Character: Michael Bolton
Favorite Scene: Joanna quits her job at Chotchkies
Favorite Quote: “We get caught laundering money… We’re going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.”

highlander4. The Highlander (1986 – 1 hour, 56 minutes)
Logline: There can be only one.
Favorite Character: Connor McCloud
Favorite Scene: Kurgan & Connor in the church.
Favorite Quote: “Are you going to turn off the tape or shoot me with the .45?”

swingers3. Swingers (1996 – 1 hour, 26 minutes)
Logline: Coctails first. Questions later.
Favorite Character: Trent
Favorite Scene: Trent dancing on the table in the diner
Favorite Quote: “She was smiling at how money I was.”

star wars2. Star Wars (1977 – 2 hours, 1 minute)
Logline: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
Favorite Character: Obi Wan Kenobi
Favorite Scene: The swing across
Favorite Quote: “… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now…”

back to the future1. Back to the Future (1985 – 1 hour, 57 minutes)
Logline: He was never in time for his classes . . .Then one day he wasn’t in his time at all.
Favorite Character: Marty McFly
Favorite Scene: Skateboard chase
Favorite Quote: “Hey you, get your damn hands off her.”

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Rocky V Kid

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

THE FAT ASIAN KID FROM ROCKY V
rocky_v bw

“Fiiiight!”

I’ll make this short: I wanted to get a Rocky character into this series, but the problem is that all the great characters already live in the public’s high esteem (even Paulie’s robot). I had toyed with writing a column about Duke (Apollo and then Rocky’s trainer) as my friends and I have gotten a laugh out of “THROW THE DAMN TOWEL!” on many occasions.

Except when it comes to laughs, nothing beats the excitement on that fat Asian kid’s face when Rocky Jr starts beating up his bully outside of school in Rocky V. I laugh every single time. I laugh even harder when I’m discussing Rocky for the first time with someone and that person INSTANTLY knows who I’m talking about when I mention this kid.

Fat Asian Kid from Rocky V, your lust for violence and excited face have brought me many laughs. I salute you.

300 Bucks Damage – Episode 13 – School Memories

300 Bucks Damage Episode 13

scantron

Gord and Kev head back to school after summer vacation.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Damone

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

MIKE DAMONE

When people talk about Fast Times at Ridgemont High it’s typically about one of three things: either Jeff Spicoli or Phoebe Cates’ tatas. Discussing the movie further, you might hear mentions of the great Mr Hand, Brad Hamlilton, Forest Whitaker, or Stacy’s promiscuity (was Jennifer Jason Leigh even legal when this movie was shot?). Only after all that will people bring up Mike Damone–and that’s just not fair. Damone (Robert Romanus) is the highlight of Ridgemont High–bar none–and shines brighter than the rest of the students put together.

Sure, stealing Rat’s crush is a dick move. Lasting approximately 4 thrusts inside of her ain’t something to look up to either. Showing up at Stacy’s pool uninvited and towel-in-hand is classic douchebaggery. And obviously, insinuations of small-statured genitalia was certainly embarrassing.

But none of it matters! Why? Because Mike Damone can appreciate an iced tea without even tasting it. Because Mike Damone comes for the strudel. And, of course, because Mike Damone knows what he looks like. I would gladly risk his “prick” behavior and hang out with Damone every day of the week, as every other thing that comes out of his mouth is unintentionally hysterical. Things like, among others:

“Usze ya face. Usze ya body!”
“Came over to help ya with your math HOMEwork.”
“Isn’t this GREAT?”
“See my moustache comin in, Rat?”
“Came this close to workin at 7-11, y’know.”
“Hey Rat, you gotta ace that jacket!”
“Rat, show ‘em how you can stand up underwater!”
“When you have that… then you have the attitude.”
“Hey Linda, I’ll teach ya to dive. I used to be a champion myself, y’know.”
“I woke up in a good mood, what happened?”
“What a guy.”

What a guy, indeed. Mike Damone, I salute you. So do these guys in this AWESOME NSFW VIDEO!!!

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