Archive for the ‘- Kev’ Category

“Hey, Gary!”

By Ham City Kev

The Kid

I don’t remember the game. I don’t remember the date. I just remember my favorite autograph story ever happened at a Mets/Expos game sometime in 1993.

I’m not big into autographs, but I got a kick out of it as a kid. My first autograph was actually from Ozzie Smith. I had Field seats to a Cardinals game sometime in 1992 and had my baseball sticker book with me. I saw Ozzie throwing warm-up tosses in front of the Cards dugout and was floored. “that’s Ozzie Smith,” I thought. Not, “that’s that guy who makes all those great plays on my baseball highlight tapes,” as he was far beyond that of course. That was Ozzie Smith. It was easily the first big star I ever got close to. When he was done tossing the ball around, he came over to all the kids begging for his autograph on the railing and signed his name for me, right under his picture in the sticker book. I still have that book, and refuse to throw it away.

Through my old friend Paulie’s family connections, we got to a lot of games in the Field Box seats in 92 and 93. I got some more autographs, all of them on the Anthony Young ball (more on that at 35 on the list), but the names were never too big. Joe Orsulak, Ryan Thompson, uhhh… hang on, let me find the ball and check it… hey, I got Barry Larkin, too! Not ridiculously impressive, but that’s nothing to shake a stick at. I remember a rain delay where Paulie and I got soaked because we saw Doc Gooden talking to someone in the tunnel behind home plate, and we stood in the rain begging for his autograph. He said, “one second guys,” and we waited patiently… and patiently… and patiently… Finally a few more kids saw us and figured we were up to something, so they came running over. They all screamed their heads off because we discovered Doc. “We saw ‘em first, we get the autographs first,” we shouted, but it was futile. A few minutes later, Doc waved at us and walked inside, not caring that all of us were heart-broken and soaking wet, calling for him to please please come back.

This is a good segue into the Expos game I want to discuss here. But before I begin, let me preface by saying this: this is no bullshit. I know it sounds way too sugar coated and sweet, too good to be true, but this really happened and I have the autograph to prove it.

Before the game began, Baseball and Met Hall of Famer Gary Carter was walking around the field interviewing players for Expos TV (Expos TV? That really existed?). Of course, Paulie and I are begging for his autograph along with so many other people, but Gary ignores everyone. He must have walked past our group 4 or 5 times, completely ignorant. I was worried it was going to be another Doc story, but I wouldn’t let it happen. When he walked by our group again, I was the only one left shouting for him. Everyone else had given up. I may have given up as well. But I thought, “if I can’t get his autograph, I can at least thank him,” so I did.

I leaned over the railing and shouted as loud as my 12-year-old body could, “HEY GARY! THANKS FOR STARTING THE RALLY IN 86!”

Wouldn’t you know it, Good Ol’ Camera Carter stopped dead in his tracks, turned to me and said, “No problem! You want an autograph?” DID I?!?!?!

So me and Paulie got his only two autographs of the day, and I still love telling that story.


Gord and Kev ain’t afraid of no ghosts!


300 Bucks Damage – Episode 52 – Movie Villain Championships

300 Bucks Damage Episode 52

Gord and Kev are back! This time they’re arguing about who would win the greatest movie villain battle royal of all time.

Silly Childhood Beliefs

Gord and Kev realize the Easter Bunny was a hoax.

Urban Legends

Gord and Kev have a super secret story that they know for sure is true.

Walt Disney World

Gord and Kev recall childhood memories of the happiest place on earth.

Ham City Kev’s Top 10 Old-School Game Tunes

Video game music has come a long way, but it’s nice to revisit the golden age. Here are my votes for the Top 10 Tunes from the 8 and 16 bit eras.

10. Generic NES Sports Game - Simple nostalgia, nothing else.
09. Excitebike - Simple nostalgia, plus it’s hilarious.
08. Tetris – Heard this music WAYYY more than the popular GameBoy theme.
07. Green Hill Zone – Im in my neighbor’s basement, instantly.
06. Marioland – My favorite of all Mario themes, a high honor.
05. Rush N Attack – Great soundtrack for a stabbing spree.
04. Dr Wily Theme - What list would be complete without it?
03. Double Dragon - I’d love to see a Tyson highlight video set to this music
02. Final Fantasy 4 – If you’ve played it, you get it.
01. Contra Base - Nothing’s better. I wish all FPS’s had an option to turn this theme on.

Pet Peeves

Two mental patients yammer on for a half hour, discussing a bunch of random things they can’t stand.

Ham City Kev’s Top 10 All-Time TV Shows

Anybody out there give a shit? Me neither. But for the hell of it, here it is. Let your judgment of my taste begin.

Honorable mentions: American Dad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Beavis and Butthead, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Robot Chicken, South Park, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, The Wire.

10. Reno 911 (86 episodes; 2003-2009)
Favorite Character: Terry
Favorite Quote: “I’m just goofin’. I’m just new boot goofin’.”
Quick reasons why: Making fun of every race, color, and creed; awesome character development.

9. Married With Children (261 episodes; 1987-1997)
Favorite Character: Al Boondy!
Favorite Quote: “I’d say it behind your back, but my car’s only got half a tank of gas!”
Quick reasons why: Lightning quick wit; top notch insult humor; kinship with Al.

8. Mystery Science Theater: 3000 (198 episodes; 1988-1999)
Favorite Character: Tom Servo
Favorite Quote: “ooh, right in the store!”
Quick reasons why: Vast range of humor, from Bronze Age references to dick jokes.

7. Family Guy (150+ episodes; 1999-2002, 2005-present)
Favorite Character: Peter Griffin
Favorite Quote: “Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Lois this is not my Batman glass!”
Quick reasons why: All the Gen-X references are hysterical, why else?

6. Star Trek: Enterprise (98 episodes; 2001-2005)
Favorite Character: Captain Archer.
Favorite Quote: “Optimism doesn’t alter the laws of physics.”
Quick reasons why: The greatness of Season 3; Archer’s deathwish; plugging holes in the canon; underdog Trek show.

5. Star Trek: the Next Generation (176 episodes; 1987-1994)
Favorite Character: Captain Picard.
Favorite Quote: “Spot! Come here!
Quick reasons why: Science fiction at its finest.

4. Seinfeld (174 episodes; 1990-1998)
Favorite Character: George Costanza
Favorite Quote: “Jerry, the Mets lost.”
Quick reasons why: Greatest quartet in TV history; brought everyone’s neuroses to the surface.

3. The State (29 episodes; 1993-1995)
Favorite Cast Member: Kevin Allison
Favorite Quote: “I’m in your home, covered in lotion!”
Quick reasons why: Literally 99% of the sketches were epically funny; greatest soundtrack in TV history (not on dvd)

2. Twin Peaks (30 episodes; 1990-1991)
Favorite Character: Coop!
Favorite Quote: “There was a fish—IN the percolator!”
Quick reasons why: Amazing ensemble of characters; can still give me chills every time; beautifully walked the line between funny and strange.

1. The Simpsons (450+ episodes; 1989-present)
Favorite Character: Homer.
Favorite Quote: [Homer singing] Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the ballllllllllll-ahhh!
Quick reasons why: I’ve seen all 450+ episodes, and never ever, not once, have I said “that episode sucked.” Truly, the greatest, most remarkable show in history.

Ham City Kev’s 30 Favorite Movie Antagonists

Nothing fancy, just a list. Tweeners like Hannibal Lecter, Sgt Hartman, and Tyler Durden were disqualified; as were real-life villains such as Amon Goeth and Adolf Hitler.

01 The Joker (Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight)
02 Stansfield (Gary Oldman, The Professional)
03 Big Ern McCracken (Bill Murray, Kingpin)
04 Biff Tannen (Tom Wilson, Back to the Future)
05 Lee Woo-jin (Yu Ji-tai, Oldboy)
06 John Doe (Kevin Spacey, Seven)
07 La femme (Beatrice Dalle, Inside)
08 Col. Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds)
09 Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman, Superman)
10 Sean Nokes (Kevin Bacon, Sleepers)

11 Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper, Blue Velvet)
12 Alex Forrest (Glenn Close, Fatal Attraction)
13 Bohdi (Patrick Swayze, Point Break)
14 Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving, The Matrix)
15 T1000 (Robert Patrick, Terminator 2)
16 Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman, Die Hard)
17 Night Porter (Michael Elphick, The Elephant Man)
18 Lil’ Ze (Leandro Fermino, City of God)
19 The Borg (Star Trek: First Contact)
20 Predator (Kevin Peter Hall, Predator)

Ivan Drago
(Dolph Lundgren, Rocky IV)
22 Ace Merrill (Kiefer Sutherland, Stand By Me)
23 Pat Healy (Matt Dillon, There’s Something About Mary)
24 Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka, The Karate Kid)
25 Oliver Lang (Tim Robbins, Arlington Road)
26 T-Rex (Jurassic Park)
27 snakes (Snakes on a Plane)
28 Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates, Misery)
29 Teddy KGB (John Malkovich, Rounders)
30 Jerry Hathaway (William Atheron, Real Genius)


And to think Darth Vader, formerly my all-time favorite, didn’t even crack this list. That’s how damaging the prequels were to me.

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