Archive for the ‘F.U.F.C.’ Category

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Waldo Geraldo Faldo

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Kev and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

WALDO GERALDO FALDO
waldo faldo

“Hey, whatcha gonna do, Willie?

Family Matters (otherwise known as “The Urkel Show”) was extremely popular in the early-to-mid 1990s. Though Karl Winslow and Steve Urkel carried the load in terms of outrageous overacting, and over-the-top physical comedy, Waldo Faldo brought his own unique brand of humor. Much like Urkel, Waldo initially was a very small bit part. However, he played the role so well that Waldo became a recurring character. Originally, he was simply a dopey follower of the school bully. Ultimately, he became one of Eddie’s closest pals, and he even hooked up with Maxine (Laura’s hot friend). On his first date with Maxine, they went to see “Malcolm X,” which Waldo referred to as “Malcolm 10.” He also believed that Canada was pronounced Kenyada.

The following is a list of interesting facts about the Waldo Family Tree:

  • his father is a stewardess
  • his sister, named Quesadilla, was born at a Taco Bell restaurant and her parents – in typical Faldo fashion – decided that a second possibility for a name, Burrito Grande, was not a good choice
  • his brother is named Ronaldo Geraldo Faldo
  • his Uncle Jalapeno has two sons named Nacho and Gary; When Waldo was asked about Gary (due to his “normal” name), Waldo replied, “He’s a bit of an oddball”
  • his other cousins are named named Bobbalobbadingdong, Reynaldo, and Doofus

Waldo Geraldo Faldo, I salute you.

Special Thanks to WikiBin.org for the Faldo Family Tree details

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Grandpa Gustafson

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

GRANDPA GUSTAFSON

Seriously, have you SEEN the Grumpy Old Men movies? Is there one–ONE–single line that comes out of Burgess Meredith’s mouth that isn’t funny?

I gotta be honest here, I don’t know what to write without turning it into a memorable quotes post. Grandpa Gustafson is kind of an idol for me. I’d do well to live to 95, drinking, smoking, and eating bacon the whole way–while being a funny ass motherfucker to boot.

Grandpa Gustafson, God may have forgotten about you, but I certainly didn’t. I salute you.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – John Doe

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

JOHN DOE

Most people have seen Seven so this may seem like a crazy post, but it’s real simple: AFI doesn’t put John Doe on their list of the 50 Greatest Villains of all-time?! Seriously?! I know the AFI lists are horseshit, but really?! Are you fucking kidding me?! How do you miss Kevin Spacey’s brilliant performance as John Doe?!

AFI missed it. Empire Magazine missed it. In fact, the only people not missing it are dipshits like me in ding-dong blogs like this. Pisses me off…

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Big Ern

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

ERNIE McCRACKEN

Too many people haven’t seen Kingpin and therefore don’t know about Bill Murray’s best role ever. Easily one of the funniest and most ruthless villains in cinematic history, he ranks third on my all-time list of Best Antagonists (behind Joker and Stansfield).

As Bill Murray allegedly does in most of his movies, he does not stick to the script. In fact, according to the Farrelly Brothers, every line from Big Ern is just Bill Murray off the cuff, and it goes without saying he’s at the top of his game in this one.

Ernie McCracken is glorified by the media despite being a hall of fame prick… and well, now he’s glorified by me. If you’re a Bill Murray fan and you haven’t seen Kingpin, see it. You won’t regret it.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Wiseguy

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

WISEGUY ON THE SIMPSONS

Though he was once referred to as “Raphael,” I don’t buy it. This guy is nameless, and better that way.

You’ve seen him I’m sure, wandering around Springfield, doing odd jobs and dropping sharp sarcasm on anyone he sees. He is, legitimately, one of the most consistantly funny characters that The Simpsons has to offer. It’s a crime he doesn’t get the recognition he deserves, so I’m dedicating this week’s entry to him. Here are, in my estimation, his three greatest hits:

“Hey fatty, I got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!”
“Do us a favor! Invent yourself some underpants!”
(in re: “I’d kill you if I had my gun”) “Yeah, well, ya don’t.”

As for the dozens of other fantastic quotes this guy has dropped in the past, I leave that to you. Please respond to this post with your favorite Wiseguy quote and together we can make this a truly special tribute.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Gene

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

GENE

He was in the Vietnam War. He owns a bottle of dick cream. He fondles his sweaters. He smears mud on his ass. He talks to a can of mixed vegetables. He humps the fridge. All this and more make Christopher Meloni’s portrayal of Gene quite possibly my all-time favorite comedic performance.

And since it’s incredibly likely you’ve never seen Wet Hot American Summer, you have no fucking clue what I’m talking about. Shame on you.

Go see it. Until then, shut the fuck up and eat the corn.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – The Warden

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

WARDEN DWIGHT MCCLUSKY

“He’s already dead, dickweed! You got — SHIET!”

Ah, Natural Born Killers. IMO, it’s the greatest cinematic love story in history (though Eternal Sunshine and Mulholland Dr give it a run for its money–again, IMO). So many great characters. Woody Harrelson’s Mickey gets all the credit, even though it’s really difficult to watch him and not think “it’s just Woody, he’s acting.” Juliette Lewis’ Mallory gets as much credit, and much more deservedly so–I’d never fuck with Juliette Lewis in real life out of fear she actually was Mallory Knox. Robert Downey Jr’s Wayne Gale perhaps deserves an entry into the series as well.

But today I’m here to give thanks to Tommy Lee Jones as The Warden, Dwight McClusky. Oliver Stone spends the first half of the movie praising anti-authority, so immediately he’s seen as an antagonist just waiting to be knocked off his perch. Yet, because Tommy Lee Jones is so fucking entertaining, you LOVE the Warden as the movie goes on. You laugh at his dialogue and accent. You sympathize with the horrific situation he’s in during the prison riot. And finally, you cheer when the prisoners put his head on a spike. Does that even make sense?!

Warden Dwight McClusky, I salute you.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Dale Cooper

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER

Twin Peaks has such a cult following that it’s difficult for me to put Kyle MacLachlin’s lead character Special FBI Agent Dale Cooper on this list, but fuck it, it’s my list–and IMO, the greatness of Twin Peaks is highly underappreciated (proof for that is the stomach-punch cliffhanger to end Season 2 not warranting enough interest for ABC to give it a third season).

Coop lands somewhere in my Top 5 all-time protagonists. He’s brilliant, calculating, deadly, and still can’t keep the little boy inside of him down. He could be at a murder scene, elbows deep into a headless corpse, and he’d still run over to the catering table like a child to a Christmas Tree when a fresh batch of donuts and coffee comes in. He’s a pleasant man, always ready to greet you with a genuine smile and a stiff, enthusiastic thumbs up, and yet he still has the sac to seek entry into this crazy-fucked-up alternate plane of existence. And also, let’s not forget, he figured out who killed Laura Palmer by interpreting a dream of a dancing midget, along with a few helpful hints from a Giant he saw in a vision. Yeah, Twin Peaks was great.

He got himself mixed up with all the evil humanity has to offer, and yet nobody–and I mean nobody–enjoys the little things in life more than Coop. For that, I salute him.

Don’t forget to listen to Episode 18 of 300 Bucks Damage, available for download this Saturday, where Kev and Gord will discuss their favorite TV Shows of the 90′s, including Twin Peaks.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – Jack Arnold

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

JACK ARNOLD

On a personal level, I’m stunned it took me so long to include The Wonder Years’ patriarch Jack Arnold (Dan Lauria) on this list. To be quite honest, part of me is in fear of Jack finding me, rolling up his sleeves, and pummeling my skull to dust with his bare fists for disrespecting him in such a way.

Jack Arnold is the fucking man. He’s The Incredible Hulk without gamma-ray poisoning, always ready to blow his stack and become an unrelenting ball of fury and mass destruction. What’s the over-under for the amount of Communists he killed in the Korean War? 1,000? Take the over. Is it a stretch to say Jack Arnold is probably impervious to fire? That he eats gun powder for breakfast and shits bullets? That he could flip over a tank with a backhanded strike? I think not.

War is Jack’s natural habitiat, and that’s why he’s often miserable at home dealing with his hippie daughter, obnoxious son #1, and boring son #2: he knows he’s no longer in a position to kill. I don’t know why that would stop him (no jail cell could hold him), perhaps it’s simply a case of Norma taming the beast. She must have, because on rare occasions we do see the tender side of Jack, the loving husband and the caring father. It’s these moments that define Jack as, IMO, the greatest “TV Dad” in history.

Jack Arnold, I salute you. Please don’t kill me.

Don’t forget to listen to Episode 17 of 300 Bucks Damage, available for download this Saturday, where Kev and Gord will discuss their favorite TV Shows of the 80s, including The Wonder Years.

Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters – D-Fens

Welcome to another edition of “Favorite Underappreciated Fictional Characters.” In this series, Gord and I will discuss fictional characters we loved in the 80s and 90s who, for whatever reason, didn’t get the cred they deserved for being awesome. Sometimes they were too obscure for the public eye, sometimes they were simply overshadowed by a fellow character, etc. Here at GordTep.com, we are happy and proud to give them the praise they deserve. This week, we have…

WILLIAM “D-FENS” FOSTER
dfens

“I am not a vigilante. I am just trying to get home to my little girl’s birthday party and if everyone will just stay out of my way, nobody will get hurt.”

Right about now half of you reading this are saying, “who?” Yeah, well that’s why this series includes the word “underappreciated.”

Fine, maybe tragic hero D-Fens (Michael Douglas) loses his mind at the end of the movie Falling Down and shouldn’t be hailed for it–but his journey to get there is marvelous, a delightful fantasyland we all slip into from time to time. We’ve all had days like his, only we don’t have the balls to act out the way he acts out. Like so many of us, he was promised a Capitalist haven where anyone can be successful if they truly wanted it, where truth and justice went hand-in-hand with the American Way. The everyday denial of this notion presents a frustrating struggle for so many of us, and Bill Foster does what we all want to do: fight back, let the world know you are standing up for yourself, and that you’re through taking shit.

Bill Foster, for having that courage, I salute you.

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