NHL 11
Come Back King
acquired on 1/22/2011
Win a ranked versus match starting the 3rd period down by at least 2 goals

This is a tough one because when you’re trailing against a human opponent online by two goals, after two periods, it’s probably indicative of the other party being significantly better than you. I’ve been down by two after two quite often. That’s easy. The comeback, however, is a massive challenge. In this particular contest, I managed to crawl back, tying the game in the final minute with my goalie pulled. In spite of a scoreless overtime, Henrik Lundqvist stood on his head between the pipes during the shootout and Sean Avery put home the game-winning goal. Upon victory, I put the controller down, raised my arms with both fists clenched and let out a loud “yes!” upon nabbing the elusive achievement.

So here it is, my top five favorite Randy “Macho Man” Savage matches:

5. Opponent: “Nature Boy” Ric Flair
Event: WrestleMania VIII
Date: April 5, 1992
What’s at stake: WWF Heavyweight Championship
NOTES: Though many didn’t give Savage a chance on this night, I was rooting for him with a packed house for my WrestleMania party. This was a memorable match for sure with Flair bleeding all over the place. Savage pulled it out using questionable tactics (a handful of tights), but nobody ever said Savage always played by the rules. This was an awesome surprise World Title victory.

4. Opponent: “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase
Event: WrestleMania IV
Date: March 27, 1988
What’s at stake: WWF Heavyweight Championship
NOTES: Savage claims the big prize for the first time in his career, winning four matches in one night. The finale of arguably the greatest tournament in pro wrestling history included interference from Andre The Giant and Hulk Hogan, but it wrapped up with Savage dropping a picture-perfect flying elbow and celebrating with Liz on his shoulder in their famous pose.

3. Opponent: The Ultimate Warrior
Event: WrestleMania VII
Date: March 24, 1991
What’s at stake: Career vs. Career
NOTES: Though the Warrior was an extremely popular performer, he certainly wasn’t well known for his match quality. With few exceptions, Warrior was out of gas and putting on pathetic matches. This night was different though. Randy was so phenomenal in this match that people still talk about it 20 years later. Multiple flying elbow drops and a touching reunion with the lovely Elizabeth highlight the finish to this spectacle.

2. Opponent: Hulk Hogan
Event: WrestleMania V
Date: April 2, 1989
What’s at stake: WWF Heavyweight Championship
NOTES: This show had one of the biggest buy rates for any wrestling pay-per-view thanks to a phenomenal year-long storyline that culminated in the explosion of the Mega Powers at Atlantic City’s Trump Plaza. Savage carried Hogan to arguably the finest match of his career.

1. Opponent: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat
Event: WrestleMania III
Date: March 29, 1987
What’s at stake: Intercontinental Championship
NOTES: This is probably the biggest event in wrestling history and Macho Man stole the show with Steamboat, putting on one of the greatest and most dramatic matches the world has ever witnessed. 78,000 (or 93,000, depending on who you ask) were there live to see this classic confrontation in Detroit’s Pontiac Silverdome.

Rest in peace, Macho Man.

Keep in mind, this entry will be posted in that sort of “live blogging” format. That is, I’m just relaxing on my couch with the laptop while the show plays on my TV. So please don’t expect a masterful writing job — I’m just have fun punching up quick notes while the show runs without any pausing, rewinding, or fast forwarding. When the show’s over, so is this report. Here we go…

“WrestleMania 2 – what he world has come to!”

A young Vince McMahon welcomes us to the greatest sports entertainment spectacular of all time from the Nassau Coliseum, just 20 minutes from my home here on Long Island. Joining him in the ring is Susan St. James (the wife of Vince’s good buddy, Dick Ebersol). In comes Ray Charles to sing “America the Beautiful.” Though I remember constantly speeding through this part as a kid, Charles is actually very good — so already I’ve found something I appreciate as an old man that meant nothing to me as a youngster. The song ends with a photo of everybody’s favorite hero, WWF Champion Hulk Hogan!

Now we’re in Chicago with Mean Gene who tells us you can cut the electricity with a knife. That was quick, we’re back to New York with Roddy Piper and his boxing trainer Lou Duva. Piper says if Mr. T knocks him out, he’ll retire. He closes out the interview by saying though T mocked him by wearing a kilt, he’d never shave his hair like an Indian and paint himself black — awesome.

Ring announcer Howard Finkel tells us it’s time for the opening contest. “Magnificent” Don Muraco with Mr. Fuji in his corner takes on “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. These guys are jacked to the gills. Orndorff just taunted Fuji by making “slant eyes” — I kid you not. Susan St. James just remarked that Muraco may be employing Fuji’s ancient Chinese techniques. There’s some decent back-and-forth action until both competitors get counted out on the floor. Orndorff wants to swing a chair, but the referee intervenes. The crowd is chanting “bullshit” — I never noticed that before.

Mr. T is with “Smokin” Joe Frazier and the Haiti Kid (a midget wrestler with Mr. T’s haircut). T says he’s tried of talking and ready to get in the ring with Piper tonight.

Now we’ve got the Intercontinental Championship match – George “The Animal” Steele takes on the Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage who has the lovely Miss Elizabeth in his corner. Savage is the heel here, and he’s awesome in this role. Steele plays the Animal character extremely well, but he’s not in Savage’s league in terms of athleticism. Macho is probably the best athlete on this entire card. Steele slows things down with illegal chokes and bites, and, of course, ripping the turnbuckle open to eat the stuffing inside. Savage does what he can to keep things exciting, ultimately pinning Steele with his feet ont he ropes. All in all, this was a fun short match. Steele kicked out of Savage’s flying elbow on the ONE COUNT and completely no-sold it, and that kind of messed things up at the end a bit. He was also pinned in a sort of missionary sex position which was kind of awkward looking.

Back in Chicago, Mean Gene interviews Bill Fralic and Big John Studd. This is great. Gene requests decorum, but Studd squashes a football and argues with Fralic about how wrestlers are better than football players.

In NY once again, we’ve got a squash match at WrestleMania. Yep, it’s Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs. George Wells. Wells gets plenty of offense in early, but this is primarily there to showcase Roberts who was a newcomer at this point. Roberts wins with his signature DDT and he wraps Damien, his python, around Wells at the end of the match which causes him to foam at the mouth. Vince informs us that Jake’s undefeated streak remains in tact with this win.

There’s a video package giving us the build up to the boxing match between Mr. T and Roddy Piper.

Now we’re in Los Angeles for Jesse Ventura to interview Hulk Hogan. Hulk says he’s taking out King Kong Bundy in spite of his injured ribs. He also makes a prediction that Mr. T will defeat Piper because he’s fighting for what he believes in. We return to New York and Susan lets us know she’s rooting for Hulk.

Finkel hands the microphone over to Joan Rivers, who was probably 60 here, as the guest ring announcer. She introduces a boatload of celebrity stars — Guest Judges: Darryl Dawkins, Cab Calloway, & G. Gordon Liddy and Guest Time Keeper: Herb (Burger King commercial superstar). This is New York’s main event, scheduled for 10 rounds of boxing. The best part of the introduction is that she misreads “The Ace Cowboy Bob Orton” as “The Ace Comedy — and funny man — Bob Orvin.” I’m not making that up, it really just happened. Now it’s time for the boxing match between Mr. T and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. This is even faker than all the other stuff on this show. Wow, this gets really bad. Mr. T is atrocious. This whole thing is a sloppy, clumsy mess. So this represents the first horrible match that I didn’t really know was horrible when watching as a kid. Mercifully, it ends in the fourth round when Piper gets disqualified for throwing the ref down and bodyslamming T. A melee ensues following the match where all the corner men flood the ring — Vince mispronounces melee twice. Thank god we’re done with Susan St. James with our location switch.

Now we’re in Chicago with Gorilla Monsoon, Mean Gene Okerlund, and Cathy Lee Crosby. It’s funny that they’re all sharing one microphone, it’s sort of awkward as compared to how it would be today where all three would have their own mic. Chet Coppock is the ring announcer. Women’s World Champion Fabulous Moolah defends against Velvet McIntyre. Moolah is ancient here, yet she’s still the Champ and is believeable in the roll of tough old wench. The match is over in under a minute when McIntyre misses a splash off the rope allowing Moolah to pin her and retain the belt.

It’s time for a flag match! The winner gets to wave his flag — so 1980s here. Representing the USSR it’s Nikolai Volkoff with Freddie Blassie in his corner against Corporal Kirshner who represents the good old USA. This is pretty lousy, but that’s ok. Blassie shouts to Kirshner, “get in there you yellow dog!” The mat in Chicago is really miced well, every stomp sounds like somebody beating a drum. Wow — this went faster than I remembered, certainly no more than 2 minutes. Blassie tries to throw his cane in to Volkoff but Kirshner intercepts it and uses it as a weapon. He wins and America reigns supreme over those commie bastards.

Mean Gene Okerlund takes over the ring announcing duties for the 20-man Battle Royal. More celebrities: Clara Peller (Wendy’s Where’s the Beef Lady) is the time keeper, but she is 100 years old and doesn’t even know her name is announced. It doesn’t matter, her microphone doesn’t work anyway. The referees are Dick Butkus and Ed “Too Tall” Jones. Here are the 20 participants: Jimbo Covert, Pedro Morales, Tony Atlas, Ted Arcidi, Harvey Martin, Dan Spivey, Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga, Iron Sheik, Ernie Holmes, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Big John Studd, Bill Fralic, Bret “The Hitman” Hart, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Russ Francis, Bruno Sammartino, William “The Refrigerator” Perry, and Andre The Giant. This is really cool because the crowd is so into it. Chicago really seemed to get the best portion of the show. Andre wins the battle royal, last eliminating Bret Hart by launching him onto his partner on the floor. The most memorable spot in this match is Perry offering a truce with John Studd, after Studd eliminated him, only to pull Studd out to the floor. As Ernie Ladd says, Perry fools him with “the oldest trick in the book.”

Back in New York, it’s getting a bit confusing now, Roddy Piper sits with Vince and Susan to continue his trash talk of Mr. T. The Long Island crowd cheers the replay of Piper slamming T. We head back to Chicago for Mean Gene to interview Jimbo Covert and the always entertaining Iron Sheik. We also see some highlights of the battle royal that just completed. Cathy Lee is less annoying than Susan St. James, but I’d still have enjoyed this show much better with Gorilla and Jesse like the other WrestleManias of the era.

Now, here comes the best match on the entire show. For the WWF Tag Team Championship, The Dream Team (Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake w/ Johnny V) defend their belts against the British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith & Dynamite Kid w/ Captain Lou & Ozzy Osbourne). As a kid, I always liked this match better than anything else on the show and still consider it one of my all-time favorite matches (even though I haven’t really watched it in over a decade). Believe it or not, it really holds up well. Dynamite is a spectacular performer and Davey Boy is very good. Valentine is solid for the heels. Though Beefcake is very limited, they keep his involvement to a minimum which allows this match to shine. The Bulldogs win the belts when Davey rams Valentine into Dynamite and covers him. Dynamite takes a ridiculous bump off the top rope to the floor that doesn’t even get appropriately captured because they just didn’t have the type of camera set up you’d find at a show today. At any rate, the title victory really feels like a special historic moment — something else that’s missing from pro wrestling these days. It sort of comes out of nowhere too which makes it even more fun. Nowadays, you’ll know exactly when the matches are going to end because they telegraph it so blatantly.

After a brief interlude in New York, we’re going out to Los Angeles. Vince really does a great job at making it seem like the main event is going to be something you just can’t miss. Susan St. James says she thinks Hogan will win — what a bold prediction. Out in LA, you’ve got Jesse Ventura sandwiched between Lord Alfred Hayes (ungodly awful) and Elvira (horrible). To make matters worse, there are really only two fully-functional headsets which Hayes and Elvira use; Jesse’s mic is all messed up which is pretty annoying. Our ring announcer, Lee Marshall, gets things rolling with Hercules Hernandez and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat. I hardly remembered this one, but Steamboat was actually very good in this generic-1980s-WWF-mid-card match. Steamboat wins with a high cross body block. His talent was really wasted in what was essentially a curtain-jerker on the west coast. In fact, with the time zone difference, the LA audience didn’t watch the already recorded matches until after the main event ended, meaning the Chicago portion we just saw would be their “main event” on closed circuit.

In a match that I can recall skipping almost every time I watched this show, Adorable Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart takes on Uncle Elmer. I’ve skipped this match so many times that I even had to fight the urge to hit fast forward when I saw it was about to start. The reality is it wasn’t that bad. Adonis was deceptively awesome. He weighed 300 pounds and dressed like a woman, but he was actually a tremendous athlete and even even manages to carry Elmer (arguably the worst wrestler I’ve ever seen) to a reasonably decent match. He flips all over the place like an acrobat before securing a clean fall with a flying chop to the prone Elmer. Adding insult to injury, Adonis beats him up after the match until Elmer rolls to the outside.

“Awful” Alfred interviews an enormous Hulk Hogan who vows to win, regardless of his injuries. Jimmy Hart is back out there with Terry and “Hoss” Funk who battle it out with Tito Santana and the Junkyard Dog. I loved JYD as a kid. In fact, a month after this, JYD headlined the first live WWF card I ever attended against Hoss Funk at the Nassau Coliseum in a sort of WrestleMania revenge match. This is a by-the-numbers baby face vs. heels tag match. Approximately two and a half hours in, I’m really tired of watching wrestling at this point and I’m ready for the show to be over. Terry Funk actually does a lot to make things entertaining, bumping on the floor and taking a body slam on a table. Surprisingly, the heels steal one here in our penultimate match with a little assistance from Jimmy Hart’s dreaded megaphone. Terry smashes JYD with the foreign object while referee Dave Hebner’s back is turned, he gets the cover and the team is victorious. Much like the Long Island audience earlier, the Californians chant “bullshit.” Terry sells a knee injury after the bout. Now we’ve got a dozen or so crew members coming out to assemble the steel cage for the main event.

We’ve got a string of video highlights detailing the long build up to the big match and Hogan’s road to recovery following his injury at the hands of Bundy. We also get to hear from Heenan and Bundy — damn this was great. Bundy cuts an absolutely awesome promo about how he’s going to win the belt tonight. Heenan lets us know we’re about to experience “Bundy Mania.” We head back to New York one more time for Vince to get just a little more hype in. Now, we are treated to our main event — WWF Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan vs. Challenger King Kong Bundy w/ Bobby “The Brain” Heenan inside a “15-foot-high” steel cage. Celebrity Mania continues with Tommy Lasorda as the guest ring announcer, Ricky Schroeder (who was booed) as the guest time keeper, and Robert Conrad (who was cheered) as the guest referee. Hogan slams Bundy, drops the leg, and climbs over the cage to hang onto his title. The spot I remember of Hogan kicking Bundy down to the canvas from the top rope is still cool. The best bumps on the entire show were probably by Heenan in the post-match ass whooping by Hogan. I always loved that part because Heenan was so good at making you want to see him get beat up. Hogan matches were predictable, but you got to see what you wanted. He slays a dragon, and everyone goes home happy.

This was a fun show to watch because it really takes me back. I felt like a little kid watching this show which is always a nice escape from the frustrating and complicated adult world. WWF absolutely overdid it with the celebrities as so many of them contributed absolutely nothing to the show. In fact,some of them, like all three women announcers, were a detriment to the overall presentation. This is also the last time they did a big show from multiple locations which really didn’t mean all that much in retrospect, but I guess it could have been a big deal at the time in terms of making the show seem like a can’t-miss happening. So I’ve had my fill of wrestling for a while after sitting through three hours of this, but I definitely recommend the show to old-school wrestling fans looking for nostalgia or new-school fans who have never seen it.

To be fair, a vast majority of the games to which I? buy sports cards and? watch were strictly Eastern Conference match ups. So I will not be posting a detailed analysis of the West. While I don’t want to sell myself short and dismiss my Western picks as being devoid of value or substantive research, I just feel it’s best to simply post the result without a detailed analysis as they are more superficially selected than my Eastern predictions. So here’s what I’ve got for the first round.

Capitals vs. Rangers
Despite struggles chronicled in the HBO 24/7 specials, Washington actually had a heck of a year. However, New York really seemed to have them figured out. The 8-seed Rangers won the season series 3-1 against the Caps, which included 6-0 & 7-0 debacles. I see Henrik Lundqvist and Marc Staal shutting down Ovechkin, and Gaborik & Drury scoring when it counts the most. Rangers in 6

Flyers vs. Sabres
The Flyers have been in disarray as of late, but they’re too talented to get bumped out by Buffalo. The wild card for Buffalo is Ryan Miller because he is so much better than every goaltender the Flyers have. We also don’t know what factor Chris Pronger will play in this series for Philadelphia. While many others are open to an upset, I just don’t see it. Look for Briere to light the lamp at will against his former team. Flyers in 5

Bruins vs. Canadiens
These two teams have a storied rivalry that dates back to the Original 6 days, and we saw it reach new heights this season. Massive brawls that included goalie fights and suspensions will no doubt weigh heavily on the minds of both teams as they enter what will surely be a physically draining series. Though Tim Thomas had a phenomenal year statistically, I simply don’t see him as an elite goaltender and consider him on the same level as Carey Price. With that being said, I think the Bruins are a better team overall and that Zdeno Chara will log tons of ice time as the determining factor in what will surprisingly be a short series. Bruins in 5

Penguins vs. Lightning
Dan Bylsma is the consensus favorite for Coach of the Year based on how high the Pens managed to finish with all of their key injuries. The very fact that they were able to accomplish so much without Crosby and Malkin for extended periods of time really is quite remarkable, but I think Pittsburgh’s run ends in the first round. Tampa’s thrashing of Carolina on the last day of their season, in what was essentially a meaningless game, showed the synergy and fire this team has heading into the postseason. Lecavalier, Stamkos, St. Louis, and company will surely upset the Penguins. Lightning in 6

Canucks vs Blackhawks – Canucks in 5
Sharks vs. Kings – Sharks in 4
Red Wings vs Coyotes – Red Wings in 4
Ducks vs. Preds – Ducks in 7

The NHL reseeds after each round so the following picks may be completely out of whack depending on who advances past the first round. That is, I could theoretically pick two teams to advance to the Conference Final that would actually play each other in the Conference semi-final should I fail to predict the other two series correctly. In any event, here’s a quick rundown of what I see transpiring the rest of the way.

Round 2:
Flyers over Rangers in 5
Bruins over Lightning in 6
Canucks over Ducks in 5
Wings over Sharks in 7

Conference Finals:
Flyers over Bruins in 6
Wings over Canucks in 7

Stanley Cup Finals:
Wings over Flyers in 5

If my Rangers are still alive after the first round, I might revisit my picks with a follow-up blog to provide some detail for how I believe the ensuing rounds will go. In any event, I see Detroit adding to their overwhelming amount of Championships with yet another this June. I hope I’m wrong though and it’s actually Rangers in 7!

10. Generic NES Sports Game - Simple nostalgia, nothing else.
09. Excitebike - Simple nostalgia, plus it’s hilarious.
08. Tetris – Heard this music WAYYY more than the popular GameBoy theme.
07. Green Hill Zone – Im in my neighbor’s basement, instantly.
06. Marioland – My favorite of all Mario themes, a high honor.
05. Rush N Attack – Great soundtrack for a stabbing spree.
04. Dr Wily Theme - What list would be complete without it?
03. Double Dragon - I’d love to see a Tyson highlight video set to this music
02. Final Fantasy 4 – If you’ve played it, you get it.
01. Contra Base - Nothing’s better. I wish all FPS’s had an option to turn this theme on.

Honorable mentions: American Dad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Beavis and Butthead, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Monty Python’s Flying Circus, Robot Chicken, South Park, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, The Wire.

10. Reno 911 (86 episodes; 2003-2009)
Favorite Character: Terry
Favorite Quote: “I’m just goofin’. I’m just new boot goofin’.”
Quick reasons why: Making fun of every race, color, and creed; awesome character development.

9. Married With Children (261 episodes; 1987-1997)
Favorite Character: Al Boondy!
Favorite Quote: “I’d say it behind your back, but my car’s only got half a tank of gas!”
Quick reasons why: Lightning quick wit; top notch insult humor; kinship with Al.

8. Mystery Science Theater: 3000 (198 episodes; 1988-1999)
Favorite Character: Tom Servo
Favorite Quote: “ooh, right in the store!”
Quick reasons why: Vast range of humor, from Bronze Age references to dick jokes.

7. Family Guy (150+ episodes; 1999-2002, 2005-present)
Favorite Character: Peter Griffin
Favorite Quote: “Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Lois this is not my Batman glass!”
Quick reasons why: All the Gen-X references are hysterical, why else?

6. Star Trek: Enterprise (98 episodes; 2001-2005)
Favorite Character: Captain Archer.
Favorite Quote: “Optimism doesn’t alter the laws of physics.”
Quick reasons why: The greatness of Season 3; Archer’s deathwish; plugging holes in the canon; underdog Trek show.

5. Star Trek: the Next Generation (176 episodes; 1987-1994)
Favorite Character: Captain Picard.
Favorite Quote: “Spot! Come here!”
Quick reasons why: Science fiction at its finest.

4. Seinfeld (174 episodes; 1990-1998)
Favorite Character: George Costanza
Favorite Quote: “Jerry, the Mets lost.”
Quick reasons why: Greatest quartet in TV history; brought everyone’s neuroses to the surface.

3. The State (29 episodes; 1993-1995)
Favorite Cast Member: Kevin Allison
Favorite Quote: “I’m in your home, covered in lotion!”
Quick reasons why: Literally 99% of the sketches were epically funny; greatest soundtrack in TV history (not on dvd)

2. Twin Peaks (30 episodes; 1990-1991)
Favorite Character: Coop!
Favorite Quote: “There was a fish—IN the percolator!”
Quick reasons why: Amazing ensemble of characters; can still give me chills every time; beautifully walked the line between funny and strange.

1. The Simpsons (450+ episodes; 1989-present)
Favorite Character: Homer.
Favorite Quote: [Homer singing] “Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the ballllllllllll-ahhh!“
Quick reasons why: I’ve seen all 450+ episodes, and never ever, not once, have I said “that episode sucked.” Truly, the greatest, most remarkable show in history.

01 The Joker (Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight)
02 Stansfield (Gary Oldman, The Professional)
03 Big Ern McCracken (Bill Murray, Kingpin)
04 Biff Tannen (Tom Wilson, Back to the Future)
05 Lee Woo-jin (Yu Ji-tai, Oldboy)
06 John Doe (Kevin Spacey, Seven)
07 La femme (Beatrice Dalle, Inside)
08 Col. Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds)
09 Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman, Superman)
10 Sean Nokes (Kevin Bacon, Sleepers)

11 Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper, Blue Velvet)
12 Alex Forrest (Glenn Close, Fatal Attraction)
13 Bohdi (Patrick Swayze, Point Break)
14 Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving, The Matrix)
15 T1000 (Robert Patrick, Terminator 2)
16 Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman, Die Hard)
17 Night Porter (Michael Elphick, The Elephant Man)
18 Lil’ Ze (Leandro Fermino, City of God)
19 The Borg (Star Trek: First Contact)
20 Predator (Kevin Peter Hall, Predator)

21 Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren, Rocky IV)
22 Ace Merrill (Kiefer Sutherland, Stand By Me)
23 Pat Healy (Matt Dillon, There’s Something About Mary)
24 Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka, The Karate Kid)
25 Oliver Lang (Tim Robbins, Arlington Road)
26 T-Rex (Jurassic Park)
27 snakes (Snakes on a Plane)
28 Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates, Misery)
29 Teddy KGB (John Malkovich, Rounders)
30 Jerry Hathaway (William Atheron, Real Genius)

And to think Darth Vader, formerly my all-time favorite, didn’t even crack this list. That’s how damaging the prequels were to me.

By Gord Tep

I’m actually putting this out there as a service of sorts. These common occurrences on Facebook make me cringe because they’re sending out an unflattering message concerning your intellect:

• not knowing the difference between your & you’re
• not knowing the difference between they’re, there, & their
• not knowing the difference between to, too, & two
• not knowing the difference between then & than
• not knowing the difference between who’s & whose
• not knowing the difference between it’s & its
• not knowing the difference between wholly & holy
• not knowing when to use “me” instead of “I”
• not knowing when to use “myself” or “yourself”
• not knowing when to use “he” instead of “him” or “she” instead of “her”
• not knowing that “a lot” is two words
• not knowing what contractions and possessives are (apostrophes)
• putting an extra E in judgment
• putting the dollar sign after the amount
• using fake words like “supposively” instead of “supposedly”
• using fake phrases like “should of” instead of “should have”
• using fake phrases like “based off” instead of “based on”
• being a teacher and still making these errors
• trying to correct people when they already had it right (this one is insane)

Oy vey iz mir

The occasional typo is normal. I’m not talking about that, nor am I talking about perfectly acceptable cell phone abbreviations. I think all of these types of errors are indicative of someone who just doesn’t read. You see it a lot with the confusion of various words/phrases that people have clearly heard and never seen in writing. An example would be writing something like “for all intensive purposes” instead of “for all intents and purposes.” There are dozens of these, but that’s just one that came to mind.

I know it’s just Facebook, and you don’t have to use perfect grammar. Most of us type in all lowercase all the time, and that’s fine for informal e-writing. However, the types of errors I’m identifying are the ones that announce your lack of language skills to the world. I’m not even nitpicking here about misusing (or failing to use) commas, and things of that nature, which might even be debatable depending on how you were taught or what writing style you’re using. If you work on learning the basic items on this list, you’ll avoid sounding uneducated.

Gord is a self-professed creative genius, but he actually makes mistakes all the time.

Good golf clubs and top of the line golf gear is going to improve your game in no time flat, but that’s not what we are going to be focusing on in this article today. Instead we are going to focus on what your mindset is going to need to be in order to prepare for what’s to come.

The 3 Types of Players and What They Need to Know in order to Take Advantage of the Fears You Can Empathize With

Let’s start with the most general type of players, the ones who are average-to-below average. The goal of this type of player is to be consistent and consistent on the course. This player can take their game to another level when they are able to properly “drive the ball” out of the rough. This is the type of player that you would want to focus on on the course since you’ll often find them with great putting.

The next type of player is the classically great. The classically great is a very talented athlete, who can display exceptional mental strength. This player has a tendency to be one of the best on a given day, but is also in a position to capitalize on a variety of different factors.

The final type of player is the two-way superstar. This player will exhibit exceptional athleticism on the course, but does have the mental strength to “embrace” the negative emotions that come with having to perform consistently. It can be a very frustrating year on the golf course, but the two-way superstar will often perform very well, consistently, and often.

Listed below are the 3 most common types of golfers you will come across, broken down into key traits and that can have an effect on your performance and play on the course. Remember these types of players only have to exist on the course and in the right situation for the fear to become real, and that’s why people practice a lot sometimes using equipment as a skytrak golf simulator which help a lot with their golf game.
The Effort

Most golfers will have a simple belief that playing at their best requires them to exert all their effort on the course. This can be a simple formula:

Play 100% of rounds you feel you can do well

Play as well as possible when you can’t

Play hard and feel great

If you are this type of golfer, you will have a much easier time in your career than the “natural” player, but if you are not, you will find it hard to constantly out play your opponent when your game is very inconsistent. Do yourself a favor and research how you can have a consistent win percentage playing 100% of your rounds.

“You can’t win without effort”

Bill Tilden

The Focus

This type of player doesn’t have to commit to 100% of their rounds, but will instead focus on making sure they’re playing at their best when it matters. This player will be able to win games of golf easily, if they know how to get a game plan in place on each hole.
“I can win anything without the focus”

Andy North

The “You won’t get far if you have no goals!”

This is the second main type of player that you will come across. This person is one of the smartest golfers you are likely to encounter and will probably still find themselves struggling to win many tournaments that they play. The purpose of this type of player is to “play to win”. This guy will not care about where they finish as long as they achieve their goals

10. WWF Saturday Night’s Main Event (31 Episodes, 1985-1992)
I have great memories of waking up on Sunday to watch last night’s action on tape.
Personal Favorite: Randy Savage
Standout Performer: Hulk Hogan
Favorite Episode: The Mega Powers Unite

9. Pee-Wee’s Playhouse (45 Episodes, 1986-1991)
My favorite Saturday morning show as a kid.
Personal Favorite: Billy Baloney
Standout Performer: Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens)
Favorite Episode: “Christmas Show”

8. Entourage (88+ Episodes, 2004-2011)
The very definition of a “hip show” in the ’00s.
Personal Favorite: Johnny “Drama” Chase (Kevin Dillon)
Standout Performer: Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven)
Favorite Episode: “Lose Yourself”

7. The Simpsons (450+ Episodes, 1989-?)
It boggles my mind how they’ve managed to say so good for so long.
Personal Favorite: Homer Simpson
Standout Performer: Bart Simpson
Favorite Episode: “Homer at the Bat”

6. The Ultimate Fighter (120+ Episodes, 2005-?)
Each season is entertaining in its own right, but Season 10 is probably the funniest.
Personal Favorite: Rampage Jackson
Standout Performer: Dana White
Favorite Episode: “Gave a Hundred”

5. Dream On (118 Episodes, 1990-1996)
Lovable characters. Brilliant writing. Beautiful women. What’s not to like?
Personal Favorite: Martin Tupper (Brian Benben)
Standout Performer: Judith Tupper Stone (Wendie Malick)
Favorite Episode: “Angst for the Memories”

4. Da Ali G Show (12 Episodes, 2003-2004)
It’s not for everybody, but it makes me laugh harder than any other show.
Personal Favorite: Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen)
Standout Performer: Ali G (Sacha Baron Cohen)
Favorite Episode: “Belief”

3. Curb Your Enthusiasm (70+ Episodes, 2000-2o11)
Every season is phenomenal.
Personal Favorite: Susie Greene (Susie Essman)
Standout Performer: Jeff Greene (Jeff Garlin)
Favorite Episode: “Shaq”

2. The Larry Sanders Show (89 Episodes, 1992-1998)
Top-notch casting and acting for what is probably the smartest show ever written.
Personal Favorite: Hank Kingsley (Jeffrey Tambor)
Standout Performer: Artie (Rip Torn)
Favorite Episode: “The Mr. Sharon Stone Show”

1. The Honeymooners (39 Episodes, 1955-1956)
I’ve watched all of the Classic 39 multiple times, and they never get old!
Personal Favorite: Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason)
Standout Performer: Ed Norton (Art Carney)
Favorite Episode: “Chef of the Future”

As the digital landscape evolves at an unprecedented pace, businesses must adapt to stay competitive. Emerging technologies like artificial intelligence (AI), the Internet of Things (IoT), MSP, and cloud computing are no longer just buzzwords they are reshaping industries, redefining customer experiences, and driving business growth.

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A few thoughts first…

• There are no locks for anything this year. I’d say the Braves and the Reds have no chance, but baseball has a funny way of seeing inferior teams get hot in October and becoming unbeatable. Therefore, no guarantees.
• Nice to see every team in the playoffs have at least 90 wins. It’s the first time we’ve had it since 2004.
• The Phillies certainly look unstoppable, but to win 3 pennants in a row might just be too much. Funny thing is, Gord and I have seen the pennant three-peat happen twice in our lives: the Athletics in 88, 89, and 90; and the Yankees in 98, 99, and 00 (and later 01, but nevermind that now). Could the Phillies make it 08, 09, 10? Is this really something that now happens exactly once every ten years?
• MAN I hope we get to see November baseball in Minnesota! Where would Bud Selig watch from, the 32-degree front row or a heated luxury suite in the magnificent new Target Field–home to a team he wanted to contract 8 years ago? How about a Phillies/Twins Fall Classic? It could be the first time the temperature never rises above 50 in the Series! Hey Bud, thanks for letting TV dictate baseball’s schedule! Really, you’re doing an admirable job.
• Last year I saw the Twins send off the Metrodome the right way, and this year I saw them do a perfect job with Target Field. Because these are 2 things the Mets simply couldn’t do, I adopted the Twins as my AL team out of admiration. So, sorry Twins fans, you’re doomed.

Anyway, onto the predictions:

DIVISIONAL SERIES
Cincinatti Reds vs Philadelphia Phillies: Reds finished 20-33 against winning teams and were only 34-34 outside the NL Central. Phillies have Halladay, Oswalt, and Hamels. Sorry Cincy. Phillies in 3.

Atlanta Braves vs San Francisco Giants: Braves backed into the playoffs (an alarming trend amongst this year’s “elite”) and simply do not look like the same team they were throughout the summer. The Giants big 3 starters are second only to the Phillies. Giants in 3.

New York Yankees vs Minnesota Twins: Ugh… again? I’ll say that this is the best shot the Twins have ever had to beat the Yankees, and that Target Field could give them a huge boost, but it’s the fucking Yankees. Unfortunately, you just don’t bet against them. I’ve learned that lesson many times. And who cares if the Yankees are playing like garbage, so are the Twins! So were the Cards and Tigers in 2006 and the Yankees in fucking shithead 2000. It means nothing. Yankees in 4.

Texas Rangers vs Tampa Bay Rays: The Rangers are the only team in the AL that didn’t stumble to the finish, but their 44-43 record outside of the West is troubling. Still, in a short series I think they have a great chance at upsetting the Rays. This series above all other could go either way. I’ll go out on a limb and say Rangers in 4.

LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
San Francisco Giants vs Philadelphia Phillies: Pitching fans rejoice–until you remember that the Phils and their Fisher Price ballpark have home field advantage. The Giants starting 3 are fantastic, but I’ll give the Phils’ counterparts the edge due to their experience and ability to pitch well in Philly. Phillies in 5. Oh crap, I see where this is heading…

New York Yankees vs Texas Rangers: As if Twins fans won’t be suffering enough from another loss at the hands of the Yankees, here we go again with the Rangers. The big difference between now and 1996, 1998, and 1999 is that the Rangers finally have pitching, but don’t be shocked if the Yankees rotation miraculously falls in line here and balls start bouncing their way. Yankees in 5.

WORLD SERIES
New York Yankees vs Philadelphia Phillies: AGAIN! Why not? The 2 most disgusting fan bases in baseball for America’s enjoyment. Met fans suffering through another 2 weeks of “who are you rooting for?” (I’m rooting for a stadium collapse, as usual). Me watching the whole series on mute because I can’t stand to hear either fanbase happy (also to save myself from Buck and McCarver, but that’s a given). One year later and the Phillies are a better team, the Yankees a worse one. For this prediction, I revert to history: The Yankees always win championships in bunches. Maybe this is an off year and they’ll pick up a pair in 2011 and 2012, but my gut tells me I’ll be suffering through another Yankees championship and another unfortunate incident of the Wild Card coming out on top. Shout all you want about Halladay, Oswalt, and Hamels, but the Braves of the 90s proved that formula doesn’t always work. It would be FANTASTIC if–for the first time ever–the home team loses every World Series game, but I’ll say: Yankees in 6.

God dammit.

Kev and I will be back in the next couple weeks with a video package highlighting our upcoming “SUMMER OF GEORGE” competition to kick off everybody’s favorite season.

We’re about to battle it out the following contests:

• Frisbee Golf (Wii Sports Resort)
• Blades of Steel (NES)
• Bases Loaded (NES)
• Tecmo Bowl (NES)
• Arch Rivals (Arcade)
• Tetris (Wii)
• Pit Fighter (Arcade)
• Connect Four
• WWF No Mercy (N64)

Come back soon to see how we match up.

Thanks so much to everybody for your support in the last year!

-Gord

Talk about epic.

If this didn’t get you pumped up to sit on your couch for 2 hours, nothing could. Movies felt like a much bigger deal with intros likes this. The other old school HBO intro brings back plenty of good memories as well, but those memories are more in the after-school variety, more dime-a-dozen. This 75-second intro was fucking special.

My biggest connection with this is probably Superman II, which my parents taped off HBO early on. The connection is certainly an easy one, what with the sequence ending in space and Superman II beginning in it.

For more on ’80s nostalgia and the Superman movies, stay tuned to the next 2 episodes of 300 Bucks Damage!

We all know this clip. We’ve seen it a million times on countless VHS tapes growing up. I’m just curious to see if everyone connects this intro with a specific movie.

For me, hands down, it’s Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. The first time I saw this clip it was before Pee Wee, and to my very young ears it seemed the cheezy intro music was specific to the movie because it sounded enough like the rest of Danny Elfman’s classic soundtrack. In the following year or two I would always be confused why different Warner Bros VHS tapes used “the Pee Wee music,” until I came to the conclusion that Warner Bros just really liked the Pee Wee “version” and decided to always use it, regardless of the movie, as we had a big tv with a corner mount tv installation, so it was great to watch TV here.

Yeah, I came to a lot of dumb conclusions as a kid. Regardless, later in life I would always associate that intro with Pee Wee. Always. A while back, I was saddened to pop in the Pee Wee’s Big Adventure dvd and not see it. It’s just not the same.

(This may be a weak entry to the annals of “Thank God For YouTube,” but the fact alone that this clip lives on YouTube means I’m not unique in my nostalgia for it. If you also have a fond memory attached to it, please leave a comment and let us know. I’ll be back in a bit with more at-home movie nostalgia–only next time it’ll be much more epic.)

CONCERT OF THE YEAR

Metallica
Madison Square Garden
November 14.

2009 was a pretty fucking slow concert year for me: only 5 shows. The quantity was low, however the quality was pretty solid. The Virgo took me to see Nightwish at the Nokia Theater on May 2, which was cool. On August 26 we were at Terminal 5 for the “last ever” Nine Inch Nails show in New York. It was sadly (although not entirely unexpected) a lousy show, not helped in the least by the sweatbox, deathtrap, dogshit venue that is Terminal 5. Seeing the reformed Alice in Chains at Irving Plaza on September 8 runs a close second to the Metallica show. A few nights later marked my 12th Rasputina show (clip from different show), this time at the revamped Knitting Factory in Brooklyn. A solid venue, despite the annoying hipster-friendly area.

Then, finally, Metallica in November. It was only the second time I’ve seen them, the first being the St Anger (ugh) tour in 2004. On that night, I heard none of my beloved Kill ‘em All. On this night, despite the awesome setlist, still no Kill ‘em All for me–until they closed the show with Whiplash and Seek and Destroy. Fuck yeah! It was the icing on the cake. Hearing Turn the Page–a karaoke favorite of mine–was another huge treat.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR

Really?

Wow, what a total shit year for me musically. I’m not saying AIC’s comeback album is bad, it’s just not that special. And yet, who’s competing with them? Rammstein’s new album pretty much sucked, and Dethklok‘s sophomore release was pretty tired the first time I listened to it. Am I missing anyone else? Someone please tell me. Until I hear from you, Alice wins by default, which is fucking sad–both for the award and for the band.

MOVIE OF THE YEAR

They changed the original ending–one of my favorite endings of all time–and I still love this movie. That’s a tribute to director Zack Snyder for his painstaking efforts to keep this movie as close to the original 1986 comic mini-series (with the exception of the previously mentioned altered ending) as possible. And c’mon now, can you argue that this isn’t the coolest movie intro of all time? There’s just something about re-creating the Kennedy assassination, complete with splattered brains, that says, “buckle up folks, this movie’s going to be different.” You gotta love a movie that has balls like that.

As far as Watchmen’s competition at the box office this year, I can’t say I saw a lot of other movies. I missed out on big names like Transformers and Terminator due to complete lack of interest. Of the other nine 2009-released movies I saw this year, only 2 gave Watchmen a run for its money. Star Trek was fun, and JJ Abrams deserves a lot of credit for being able to drastically alter the Trek timeline while being absolutely respectful to the fanbase at the same time (and all the in-jokes that were cleverly sprinkled in for the fans were certainly appreciated). The Road was horribly depressing, and very very very well done. However, neither were anywhere near as fun to watch as Watchmen. I may not have seen every movie released in 2009, but I find it hard to believe there’s one better than this.

And for the record, Avatar sucked.

FAIL OF THE YEAR

CITI FIELD

If you want to peruse a wide variety of foods or go on a baseball shopping spree, Citi Field is great. If you want to watch a baseball game, not so much.

We Met fans were told a lot of lies about Citi Field going into the season. We were told there were no obstructed views in the park, and there turned out to be blind spots everywhere–literally. We were told all areas of Citi Field would be accessible to fans, and yet everyone who tries to walk along the second level of seating without a ticket is not allowed access. We were told we’d be blown away, and… we weren’t.

But the lies weren’t the biggest problem. The most frustrating aspect of Citi Field is all the areas in which the Mets could have scored an easy “A” and yet failed miserably, namely: the total and complete lack of Mets history. The unfitting black-colored outfield walls, which were black because a more Met-like blue wall–we were told–wouldn’t work (really?). The total absence of posters, signage, or even blue and orange paint. The fact that it took hundreds of blog entries around the internet like this one to even get our playoff achievements displayed, and even that they fucked up at first. The same can be said about celebrating our former great players within the park, and when they finally listened to us we were supposed to be happy with hidden displays like this.

This is all just the tip of the iceberg. I’m not even going to get into head-scratcher shit like the stupid ugly tarps they threw above the bullpens because I’ve already gone on too long.

Bottom line: it doesn’t feel like home. Granted, a winning ballclub would go a long ways in that respect, and we’ve been made more promises about making it more Mets-centric in 2010, but this is a 2009 review–and in 2009, Citi-Field was nothing more than an over-priced, over-hyped ballpark the Mets seemed to be temporarily subletting until a new, more Met-centered home was built (or until the Dodgers came back from LA). That would explain why we weren’t allowed to paint or hang pictures, or why we didn’t bother unpacking any of the Mets-history stuff.

WIN OF THE YEAR

PILGRIMAGE TO CEDAR POINT
Sandusky, OH

As I said after I got back, if you’re a roller coaster fan and have toyed with planning a trip to The Roller Coaster Capital of the World: stop toying with it, just go. It’s more than worth it. Crackerman, Siamese Dream, the Virgo and I drove all the way from Queens to spend 2 full days there, and it wasn’t enough. For those who aren’t into roller coasters, you just don’t know. Cedar Point is Coaster Mecca. This is not an exaggeration.

Cedar Point is fucking magic. Where to begin? How about jolt we all got when we first laid eyes on it over the horizon and realized after years of dreaming, “holy shit, we’re actually here. We are actually fucking HERE.” Or maybe our first trip down Millennium Force‘s 300 foot drop at 90+ mph. Or later on during our first day when the bliss that is Maverick somehow bumped Great Adventure’s El Toro out of my Number One Coaster spot. Or the non-coaster thrill rides I wasn’t even considering when we planned the trip like Skyhawk and Power Tower. Or after a day filled with thrill rides and 15 roller coasters, a soothing walk through the stunning Starlight Experience to calm the adrenaline, followed by a dip in our hotel hot tub at 10pm, a walk along the Sandusky beach at 11pm, and frozen drinks until it’s time for bed, as we drift to sleep with the Millennium Force music still happily playing in our heads.

Cedar Point is the fucking best.

Six Flags Great Adventure, our home park, is certainly nothing to shake a stick at. It’s widely accepted as one of the premiere coaster parks in the world. And yet, Cedar Point blows it out of the water–not just for all the reasons listed above, but for what I believe is the most important intangible factor: the staff. It’s a weird thing to celebrate, but it’s deserved. Those kids are probably making nothing yet they couldn’t be happier to work there (it seemed that way anyways–and isn’t that all that counts?). They were having fun with eachother, having fun with the rides, and having fun with the guests. Fun was in the air, and it was intoxicating. You couldn’t help but be on top of the world. Sometimes literally.

Hands down, Win of the Year. Thanks again to Crackerman, Siamese Dream, and the Virgo for making it happen.

“All clear, you’re outta here… enjoy the rest of the day at Cedar Point, America’s Roller Coast. Ride on!”

So it turns out we just weren’t supposed to do a show this week. C’est la vie. We’ll be back in action next week though. In the meantime, please check out the archives and enjoy some of our previous episodes.

If you use iTunes, please find us and subscribe. If you use Zune, please do it too. If you use myYahoo, or iGoogle, or some other RSS reader, please add us. Here’s the link to our general syndication feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/3BD

Once you’ve subscribed to 300 Bucks Damage, you’ll get the latest show when it’s posted every Saturday, and you’ll be free to listen at your leisure. You should still visit GordTep.com though because we have plenty of entertaining crap on here, but seeing the subscriber count go up makes us happy.

Also, as always, please spread the word to your friends and neighbors about what a hilarious podcast 3BD is.

Happy New Year!

Sorry for not posting in a while, it’s been quite a hectic month. Anyway, consider this a Season’s Greetings from me to you. Christmas just isn’t the same without this fucking ad, is it? That’s right: it’s better without it. For whatever reason this commercial popped into my head last night, and just like it always used to do, it’s taken up residence in my brain and refusing to fucking leave. Because I’m such a nice guy I figured I’d share my pain.

I hated this goddam ad. First off, a given: the song is fucking irritating. Secondly, how is a cologne “easy for you”? EASY HOW?! And finally, what the fuck is a cowboy with 2 horses doing in Central Park? And why 2 horses if the woman is just going to ride with guy the whole time? Did they want to have the woman on the other horse but on the day of the shoot they found out she couldn’t ride it properly, so they stuck her with the cowboy? Was there supposed to be a second set of cowboy and cowgirl in the commercial but someone didn’t show up so they scrapped the second pair but used the extra horse for the hell of it anyway? Were 2 horses ordered for the shoot by mistake and the production company decided to get their money’s worth out of it? I WANT TO KNOW!

Furthermore, why wait until the last moment to reveal they’re in a city setting? Is that supposed to be some kind of swerve? Did the original version not have that last shot, leading Mr Stetson to tell an ad exec, “it’s too country, I need city folk to feel comfortable wearing it. Throw in a skyline that appeals to them. I want it to be easy for them to make that purchase.” Eh? Whadda ya think? Am I onto something? No?

Screw you then. Merry Christmas. When this song is still in your head 3 days from now, think of me–and dammit, come up with some answers.

Honorable Mentions: G.I. Joe Video Game for Commodore 64 (1986), Superman & Batman/Orko (1984), Jabba’s Palace/Ewok Village (1983)

#10 – Synthesizer – 1991
Circa October 1991, I was wandering around Child World looking at the different keyboards. This was one of those gifts that I never asked for and totally didn’t anticipate. I saw the prices and didn’t want to request one because I had decided a hundred bucks or so was too much for one gift. Seeing this in the early morning on December 25 was a super surprise. I even taught myself how to read and play music for a little while, but I got tired of it after a couple months. That was the end of my musical career.

#9 – Cobra Terrordrome – 1986
This was enormous. I have no idea what the price was, but it had to be a lot. There were so many awesome secret compartments in this sucker, even a jail for the captured Joes. It came with a ship too. I remember it launched out of the top. Look this thing up on-line somewhere to see pictures, it’s awesome. Big bases / playsets were a rarity– but one out of like 10 friends would have one, and I’d always be in awe.

#8 – WrestleMania Challenge – 1990
There are two presents that stick out in my mind from that year. One was “The Simpsons Sing the Blues,” which virtually every Simpsons fan got at the time. It was pretty crappy. WrestleMania Challenge, however, was the brand new game for Nintendo. I don’t know how my brother got a hold of this one though because KB & TRU were both sold out when I went looking for them. This was also the first time I was introduced to the multiple box, multiple wrapping paper gag. The game was small, but it was inside several boxes and wrappings so that it was impossible to predict what it would be by looking at it. For 1990, this state-of-the-art game had awesome graphics. Just check out that opening screen of The Ultimate Warrior.

#7 – VCR – 1992
Up until this point, we had one VCR. That VCR resided in the living room. The only problem was that I had a gazillion video tapes and always wished I could watch them whenever I wanted. My desire to go to sleep at night with a movie of my choice playing on the tv was finally realized– and it’s something I often still do (only now it’s with DVDs). Being able to play and record from my bedroom was a huge deal.

#6 – Snake Mountain – 1985
In the same vein as the Cobra playset, this was Skeletor’s headquarters. This precedes the Terrordome by a couple years, and it’s thus more memorable. The most significant aspect of Snake Mountain was that it had a microphone and voice changer. You would speak into it, and it came out of the speaker sounding far more evil that you actually spoke it.

#5 – Hart Foundation – 1987
LJN Wrestling Figures were the absolute greatest toys out there. My collection of everybody from Hulk Hogan to Ted Arcidi was my most prized possession (much like my toys still are today). However, the newly released Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart were impossible to find at Toys R Us or Kay-Bee. The only place that I ever saw them was in a little local shop called “Colony.” Naturally, Colony had them priced at double what TRU sold LJNs for. My parents refused to buy these extra expensive superstars, and I accepted that they would never be part of my league. Miraculously, my brother snatched them up in spite of the price. I was shocked when I pulled back the wrapping paper to see these guys on Christmas morning.

#4 – Topps Baseball Wax Box – 1989
The 1990 baseball season was several months away, but Topps was already producing cards for the upcoming year. I was blown away with a FULL box of packs to open on Christmas morning to get me started on building my own hand-made set.

#3 – Zartan – 1984
My all-time favorite G.I. Joe character. Known as the master of disguise, Zartan came with a mask, and his body changed colors (he became blue) when exposed to sunlight. “Santa Claus” gave me this one at the Long Beach Rec Center during a Christmas party. I was fascinated how he knew my name, and knew that I wanted Zartan.

#2 – Starting Lineup Talking Baseball – 1988
SLTB was incredibly close to being number one on my list, but when you get to number one you’ll see why it couldn’t be anything else. At this point, I was a rabid Met fan. Baseball had conquered He-Man, G.I. Joe, and even Wrestling. At 8, I knew virtually every player in the major leagues, their team, position, and at least a little about them. I studied the 792 Topps cards, and played against neighbors and friends in Rotisserie Baseball leagues. During a Thanksgiving trip to Ohio (visiting family), I discovered this game in a store. You could call it love at first sight. A computerized, strategy-based baseball game that came with all-star & hall of fame teams, yet was compatible with add-ons of every major league team.

#1 – Video Camera – 1993
This was several years in the making. From the time I was about 7 or 8, I desperately wanted a camera so I could make my own movies. Getting that camera was so important that I began saving for it. I would put money aside from my allowance or miscellaneous jobs. In 6th and 7th grade, I started selling baseball cards and card holders that I was buying at card shows for a nice profit. All the money that came in went into my camera fund. Finally, when I was older (13 at this point), I was able to get one. I paid for about half of the camera, I think the total was around $600. The excitement this thing brought me was unrivaled by any gift ever.

GRANDPA GUSTAFSON

Seriously, have you SEEN the Grumpy Old Men movies? Is there one–ONE–single line that comes out of Burgess Meredith’s mouth that isn’t funny?

I gotta be honest here, I don’t know what to write without turning it into a memorable quotes post. Grandpa Gustafson is kind of an idol for me. I’d do well to live to 95, drinking, smoking, and eating bacon the whole way–while being a funny ass motherfucker to boot.

Grandpa Gustafson, God may have forgotten about you, but I certainly didn’t. I salute you.

I’m not proud of posting this. Few commercials in this world have annoyed me more. Everyone remembers this douche taking up a whole minute of commercial time during our cartoons. No bright colors or flashing lights or cool toys to keep us entertained, just disgusting arrogance with a sprinkle of school work and a whole lotta bland, boring white background. The only reason I’m posting it here is because I want to join others in announcing to the whole world:

Fuck this guy. Fuck him and his mandibula.

JOHN DOE

Most people have seen Seven so this may seem like a crazy post, but it’s real simple: AFI doesn’t put John Doe on their list of the 50 Greatest Villains of all-time?! Seriously?! I know the AFI lists are horseshit, but really?! Are you fucking kidding me?! How do you miss Kevin Spacey’s brilliant performance as John Doe?!

AFI missed it. Empire Magazine missed it. In fact, the only people not missing it are dipshits like me in ding-dong blogs like this. Pisses me off…

ERNIE McCRACKEN

Too many people haven’t seen Kingpin and therefore don’t know about Bill Murray’s best role ever. Easily one of the funniest and most ruthless villains in cinematic history, he ranks third on my all-time list of Best Antagonists (behind Joker and Stansfield).

As Bill Murray allegedly does in most of his movies, he does not stick to the script. In fact, according to the Farrelly Brothers, every line from Big Ern is just Bill Murray off the cuff, and it goes without saying he’s at the top of his game in this one.

Ernie McCracken is glorified by the media despite being a hall of fame prick… and well, now he’s glorified by me. If you’re a Bill Murray fan and you haven’t seen Kingpin, see it. You won’t regret it.

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Email us at podcast@gordtep.com

WISEGUY ON THE SIMPSONS

Though he was once referred to as “Raphael,” I don’t buy it. This guy is nameless, and better that way.

You’ve seen him I’m sure, wandering around Springfield, doing odd jobs and dropping sharp sarcasm on anyone he sees. He is, legitimately, one of the most consistantly funny characters that The Simpsons has to offer. It’s a crime he doesn’t get the recognition he deserves, so I’m dedicating this week’s entry to him. Here are, in my estimation, his three greatest hits:

“Hey fatty, I got a movie for ya: A Fridge Too Far!”
“Do us a favor! Invent yourself some underpants!”
(in re: “I’d kill you if I had my gun”) “Yeah, well, ya don’t.”

As for the dozens of other fantastic quotes this guy has dropped in the past, I leave that to you. Please respond to this post with your favorite Wiseguy quote and together we can make this a truly special tribute.

GENE

He was in the Vietnam War. He owns a bottle of dick cream. He fondles his sweaters. He smears mud on his ass. He talks to a can of mixed vegetables. He humps the fridge. All this and more make Christopher Meloni’s portrayal of Gene quite possibly my all-time favorite comedic performance.

And since it’s incredibly likely you’ve never seen Wet Hot American Summer, you have no fucking clue what I’m talking about. Shame on you.

Go see it. Until then, shut the fuck up and eat the corn.

It was, and still is, my all-time greatest moment as a Met fan. If you’re looking for me today, I’ll be sitting at home with the the Essential Games of Shea Stadium dvd collection, watching Disc 4: Game 5 of the 1999 NLCS.

Baseball is the only sport in which the team that is winning must continue to play the game. Every other sport allows the team that is winning to basically “ice” the game. In football, a team can take a knee. In basketball, a team can dribble out the clock. In hockey, a team can just skate around with the puck.

Baseball forces the winning team to continue to pitch and play defense, which means no game is over until the final out is made and that’s why baseball games are so popular and is difficult to get tickets, although sometimes you can go online to get redsox tickets for their games.

Since 1969, the Championship Series for the American League and National League have played Second Bananas to the World Series. While this is necessary and understandable, I often feel it unfair that even though there have been many great LCS’s, so few retain their shine in popular history. This year marks the 79th and 80th installments of the League Championship Series, so you know they can’t all be mediocre or boring. There is classic baseball buried in there, I promise.

Now, as a child of 1980 I fully admit to appreciating some of the following baseball from boxscores and hearsay only. I understand that sometimes there’s more drama than the numbers show and vice versa. It’s certainly not the best system to come up with a top ten, but shit, being born in 1980 isn’t my fault–and it’s not like MLB Network is putting together a Prime 9 to properly honor these Series. I may not be fully qualified to put together a list like this, but the way I see it, it’s me or nobody. Might as well listen to me, right?

So, without further ado, I present my Top 10 All-Time MLB League Championship Series. Click to links to read about the awesomeness of these series in greater detail on Wikipedia, otherwise enjoy my cliff notes.

Honorable mentions: 1984 NLCS – Padres def Cubs 3-2; 2008 ALCS – Rays def Red Sox 4-3.

10. 1986 ALCS – Red Sox def Angels 4-3
Infamous Red Sox from-the-dead miracle comeback (well, the first one anyways). After the Sox blow Game 4 to trail the Series 3-1, the Angels historically blow Game 5 and never recover. Angels closer Donnie Moore, tormented by fans over the Game 5 loss, kills himself 3 years later.

9. 1972 NLCS – Reds def Pirates 3-2
The best of the 4 NLCS’s played between the 2 best National League teams in the 1970′s. Roberto Clemente, in his penultimate game in the Major Leagues, was the only thing stopping Ross Grimsley from pitching a no-hitter in Game 4. The Reds win it in the bottom of the 9th in the deciding Game 5 off a solo home run from Bench to tie, and a run-scoring wild pitch to win it.

8. 1991 NLCS – Braves def Pirates 4-3
Everyone remembers the drama behind Francisco Cabrera’s game-winner for the Braves in 1992, but nobody remembers the insane pitching clinic of this series. 4 shutouts, 3 of which have a final score of 1-0. The Braves pitching staff, led by an untouchable Steve Avery, holds the Pirates scoreless in the final 22 innings of the series, lowering their collective series E.R.A. to 1.57–and they still lost 3 games!

7. 2004 NLCS – Cards def Astros 4-3
“The Best Series that Nobody Watched?” Perhaps. While the nation’s attention focused on the other LCS (more on that in a sec), this series saw the home team win every game, with Carlos Beltran hitting a home run in each of the first 4 and finishing the series with a sick 1.521 OPS–and yet he was somehow outperformed by Albert Pujols and his OPS of 1.563. Game 5 had both teams pitching one-hitters into the 9th until Jeff Kent won it with a 3-run walkoff homer. Astros tie Game 6 in the 9th but strand potential Series-winning runs on 2nd and 3rd, Cards later win it on a Jim Edmonds 2-run walkoff homer in the 12th. Cardinals win pennant in Game 7 by defeating Roger Clemens in his “final” game.

6. 2004 ALCS – Red Sox def Yankees 4-3
Does this really need an explanation? Well, in case you’ve been in a coma the past 5 years, this actually happened: the Red Sox beat the Yankees. Not only that, they did it in a way that has never ever been done before or since in the long storied history of Major League Baseball–by winning 4 straight after being down 3-games-to-none (and down down to their final 3 outs, to boot). After tying the game off Mariano Fucking Rivera 2 nights in a row, the Sox win Games 4 and 5 in extra innings courtesy of David Ortiz. Curt Schilling wins Game 6 while constantly bleeding from the foot. I was on the phone with Gord as the Game 7 blowout ended, convinced the Yankees would somehow score 8 runs and win–it was that fucking hard to believe.

5. 1972 ALCS – A’s def Tigers 3-2
Some of baseball’s greatest names litter this Series, which was somewhat of a crazy palendrome through 4 games. The Tigers blow an 11th inning lead, then get shut out. The A’s get shut out, then blow a 10th inning lead. Oakland squeaks a 2-1 victory in the deciding Game 5 thanks in part to Reggie Jackson scoring and tearing his hamstring on a double-steal of home in the second. But perhaps most memorably, Bert Campaneris throws his bat at Lerrin LaGrow in Game 2.

4. 1999 NLCS – Braves def Mets 4-2
Braves win Game 1 by the score of 4-2, and that proves to be the biggest blowout of the series. Each of the remaining games would be decided by one run. Down 3-games-to-none, the Mets win Game 4 in their final at-bat, then use 23 players to win the epic Game 5, 15 inning marathon off Robin Ventura’s infamous “Grand Slam Single”. Braves win dramatic, see-saw Game 6 in the 11th with achingly anti-climactic bases loaded walk from Kenny Rogers to advance to the World Series.

3. 1986 NLCS – Mets def Astros 4-2
Mike Scott takes MVP honors despite being on the losing team after allowing only 1 run in 18 innings against the best offense in the league–with the alleged help of a scuffed ball. Mets win Game 3 on a 2-run walkoff homer from light-hitting Lenny Dykstra, then win Game 5 after a 12th inning walkoff base hit from Gary Carter. But let’s be honest, this Series ranks as high as it does because of the epic of LCS epics: the 16-inning Game 6.

2. 2003 ALCS – Yankees def Red Sox 4-3
If you check the box scores of this series, it doesn’t add up to some of the entries above. The numbers, however, are not what this series was about. This was edge-of-your-seat history in the making. This was about 2 incredibly matched teams renewing a great rivalry. It was about the Red Sox standing up for themselves and surprisingly hanging in there against a Yankee team that would normally steamroll them. It was about the benches clearing in Game 3 and Pedro Martinez tossing 72-year-old Don Zimmer on his head. Most memorably, it was about Boston once again tricking everyone into thinking they were going to pull it off in Game 7–until the other shoe dropped late, and Aaron Boone won the series with an 11th inning, walkoff home run. It was the highest of high for the winners, and the lowest of low for the losers.

1. 1980 NLCS – Phillies def Astros 3-2
How this series is not constantly celebrated is beyond me. Game 1, a 3-1 victory for the Phillies, was not only the sole game to feature a home run, but the only game out of 5 that was wrapped up in the regulation 9 innings. The remaining 4 games were back and forth, back and forth; runners stranded, plays at the plate, 3 10th inning victories and one in the 11th, the Astros blowing the first pennant in their franchise’s history and the Phillies winning their first in 30 years. There really aren’t any words that can properly capture the excitement of this series. Click on the link above to see for yourself.

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What can be in store for us this year, the 40th anniversary of the League Championship Series? One or two new entries to this list, perhaps? Well, we can hope so. The 4 Divisional Series were wrapped up quickly, but each had a flair for the dramatic. Perhaps it’s a good sign. Hey, it’s a flawed playoff system (imo), but this year we’re actually getting what we’re supposed to get: the 2 legitimately best teams in each league facing eachother to determine a champion. I may not like who’s left to root for, but I applaud the victory for baseball fans everywhere.

Here’s hoping these 100 players provide games to celebrate for 100 years.

WARDEN DWIGHT MCCLUSKY

“He’s already dead, dickweed! You got — SHIET!”

Ah, Natural Born Killers. IMO, it’s the greatest cinematic love story in history (though Eternal Sunshine and Mulholland Dr give it a run for its money–again, IMO). So many great characters. Woody Harrelson’s Mickey gets all the credit, even though it’s really difficult to watch him and not think “it’s just Woody, he’s acting.” Juliette Lewis’ Mallory gets as much credit, and much more deservedly so–I’d never fuck with Juliette Lewis in real life out of fear she actually was Mallory Knox. Robert Downey Jr’s Wayne Gale perhaps deserves an entry into the series as well.

But today I’m here to give thanks to Tommy Lee Jones as The Warden, Dwight McClusky. Oliver Stone spends the first half of the movie praising anti-authority, so immediately he’s seen as an antagonist just waiting to be knocked off his perch. Yet, because Tommy Lee Jones is so fucking entertaining, you LOVE the Warden as the movie goes on. You laugh at his dialogue and accent. You sympathize with the horrific situation he’s in during the prison riot. And finally, you cheer when the prisoners put his head on a spike. Does that even make sense?!

Warden Dwight McClusky, I salute you.

Here’s a quick refresher in case you’ve forgotten, or never seen, the Rocky series:

Rocky – He goes the distance with Apollo and falls in love with Adrian

Rocky II – He wins the Championship from Apollo

Rocky III – Mickey dies and Rocky loses to Clubber Lang. With Apollo in his corner, Rocky regains the belt.

Rocky IV – James Brown shows up and sings for no reason. Rocky buys Paulie a robot for his birthday. Drago kills Apollo. Rocky trains. Drago trains and injects steroids. Rocky trains some more. Rocky defeats Drago in Russia.

Rocky V – Rocky trains a homeless bum (Tommy Morrison) and kicks his son out of his house so the homeless guy can have his room. The homeless guy dumps Rocky for an evil promoter, George Washington Duke, who says, “Only in America” a lot (yeah, fake Don King). Tommy wins the belt and thanks Duke. The press tells Tommy that he’s no Rocky, so they have a street fight. Rocky beats the shit out of Tommy and then KOs Duke in spite of his warning, “Touch me, and I’ll sue.” Rocky responds after punching his lights out with, “Sue me for what?”

Rocky Balboa – Adrian’s dead. Rocky’s a pathetic old man. As Paulie says, “you’re living backwards, Rocko!” Ultimately, HGH and anabolic steroids allow a 60-year-old Rocky to go the distance with Antonio Tarver, the World Champion.

Best Picture

The original Rocky is unbelievably great. It’s the best one without argument. Sylvester Stallone’s screenplay is phenomenal, as is the acting, the music, the locations, et al. When I was young, this movie was never of any real interest to me. It has the least amount of boxing in it of any Rocky film. Ironically, that’s a huge plus for me now, but as a kid that was what I wanted most. The scenes detailing the development of Rocky’s relationship with Adrian are much more enjoyable as a 29-year-old than they were when I was a 9-year-old. The actual story is just so great. Viki King mentions in “How to Write a Movie in 21 Days” about how the hero’s goal will change, and she uses Rocky deciding that he has to go the distance with Apollo as a prime example.

Worst Films

Rocky IV & V are the films that I loved as a kid. Sadly, they’re both painful to watch today.

The log line for Part IV should have been, “You’ve seen great Rocky films, now watch a bunch of music videos with extra training footage and 70% less dialogue.” There is more “fighting” in this movie than any other Rocky. Apollo dies. Rocky drives late at night while we hear Robert Tepper sing “No Easy Way Out.” Rocky trains. Rocky trains some more. Drago says about five words. Can you believe I loved the Drago character as a kid? He’s like Darth Maul. He’s the cool sequel (or prequel) character that says nothing, yet he is one of the more memorable film characters in spite of his short existence. Oh, and what’s with that robot? It’s so stupid. Rocky’s kid sucks shit too. The best part is when Apollo is at the table and the robot leaves the room, he’s like, “Uh, OK, anyway…” which is how I felt now. As a kid, I probably loved that stupid robot. Since I mentioned Darth Maul, let’s call the robot the Jar Jar Binks of the Rocky films.

In Part V, Eric Murphy gets his ass kicked by Sage Stallone. Nice! It’s funny, I liked it as a kid for the excessive boxing matches and montages (e.g. Tommy Gunn’s winning streak), but this one is really lousy. It’s watchable in the context of the series, but as a standalone film, Rocky V is a joke of a movie. Strangely, I enjoyed the “nostalgic” feeling of this move when I was a kid, but it’s truly faux-nostalgia. There’s legitimate nostalgia in Rocky Balboa, but this one is just kind of there. It’s the only one of the six movies that could be completely erased without anybody caring. Also, why does Rocky’s kid age like six years in a week? The best thing about this movie is the Elton John song at the end, which I subsequently downloaded and listened to 50 times.

Best Monologues

Stallone has some great speeches, and my favorites are actually in the latest installment. I love when he is pleading his case to the commission to get reinstated and when he’s telling his son to take responsibility for his own life. These are both written and performed brilliantly. In my opinion, they’re so powerful that they can genuinely impact the viewer (in this case me) in their (my) own real life.

Favorite Characters

Burt Young is tremendous as Paulie. I had to check to make sure that he received an Oscar for his work in the original film, and he did. His character is so great, and he plays it perfectly.

Burgess Meredith didn’t win any awards for his portrayal of Mickey. However, these films wouldn’t be right with any other actor in this role. Rocky without Mickey would be like Daniel without Miyagi.

The Music

All the music is great except for the “jungle music” (as Paulie would call it) in Rocky V. Bill Conti’s orchestral score is epic and as recognizable as just about anyone ever produced. An honorable mention goes to Frank Stallone’s “Take You Back” song from the street corner that we hear at different times in the series. What a great song. Elton John’s song at the end of V is a hidden gem as well.

Rating the Rocky films

ROCKY ****
ROCKY II ***
ROCKY III ** 1/2
ROCKY IV *
ROCKY V 1/2 *
ROCKY VI ***

SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER

Twin Peaks has such a cult following that it’s difficult for me to put Kyle MacLachlin’s lead character Special FBI Agent Dale Cooper on this list, but fuck it, it’s my list–and IMO, the greatness of Twin Peaks is highly underappreciated (proof for that is the stomach-punch cliffhanger to end Season 2 not warranting enough interest for ABC to give it a third season).

Coop lands somewhere in my Top 5 all-time protagonists. He’s brilliant, calculating, deadly, and still can’t keep the little boy inside of him down. He could be at a murder scene, elbows deep into a headless corpse, and he’d still run over to the catering table like a child to a Christmas Tree when a fresh batch of donuts and coffee comes in. He’s a pleasant man, always ready to greet you with a genuine smile and a stiff, enthusiastic thumbs up, and yet he still has the sac to seek entry into this crazy-fucked-up alternate plane of existence. And also, let’s not forget, he figured out who killed Laura Palmer by interpreting a dream of a dancing midget, along with a few helpful hints from a Giant he saw in a vision. Yeah, Twin Peaks was great.

He got himself mixed up with all the evil humanity has to offer, and yet nobody–and I mean nobody–enjoys the little things in life more than Coop. For that, I salute him.

Don’t forget to listen to Episode 18 of 300 Bucks Damage, available for download this Saturday, where Kev and Gord will discuss their favorite TV Shows of the 90′s, including Twin Peaks.

Now, let’s talk playoffs. Things to look for:
1. Since the introduction of the Wild Card, only the legendary 1998 Yankees have had sole possession of the best overall regular-season record to go along with a World Series trophy. Will this trend continue, or are the 2009 Yankees that good?

2. In 2006, limping into the playoffs seemed to work for the Cardinals. Will history repeat for the 2009 group of Redbirds?

3. Can the Phils score enough runs to support their dogshit bullpen?

4. Should the Dodgers barely miss the World Series, can the Curse of Don Mattingly get national attention?

5. Can the Twins ride their ridiculous hot streak straight to the World Series like the 2007 Rockies did, or is their competition just too strong?

6a. Can the Angels finally beat the Red Sox in October?
6b. Can the Yankees finally beat the Angels in October?

With the Metsies long out of it, the question is who do I root for? Though I pretty much hate all other National League teams, anyone who has no personal stake in these playoffs should be rooting for the Rockies. If Bud Selig is greedy enough to allow World Series games in November (without the help of terrorism), then he deserves the headache coming to him when Coors Field is covered in 4 feet of snow come Game 3. In the American League I’d like to see the Twins get a shot to keep this decade’s list of Champions between 9 teams instead of 8. If the Angels win, fine. If the Red Sox win, fine–but seriously, fucking enough already.

Anyone but the fucking Yankees. They’ve had their century. Now, onto my official predictions (please note I’m predicting with my head, not my heart):

DIVISIONAL SERIES
Yankees over Twins in 3
Red Sox over Angels in 4

Cardinals over Dodgers in 4
Phillies over Rockies in 5

CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES
Yankees over Red Sox in 5
Cardinals over the Phillies in 4

WORLD SERIES
Yankees over Cardinals in 4

If I’m right, I feel awful sorry for Twins, Red Sox, and Cardinals fans who watch the Yankees win it on their turf, then go on to hear about how inferior they are from visiting douchebag Yankee fans as they exit their stadium–especially you poor Twins fans. Those fans can at least take solace that they aren’t Mets fans who have to put up with that shit on a daily basis–amongst many other headaches of course.

(for those wondering how good I am at predicting baseball, typically I’m either 90% right or 100% wrong, but it’s rarely in the middle. Just flip a coin. Shit, it’s baseball–I’m pretty sure odds makers do the same thing.)

Gord and I mention a bunch of 80′s shows on Episode 17 of 300 Bucks Damage, many of which have super-awesome intros. Here’s my own personal Top 10:

Honorable Mention: Mr Belvedere (stunningly not mentioned in the show)

10. Punky Brewster

9. Married With Children

8. Knight Rider

7. It’s Garry Shandling’s Show

6. Growing Pains

5. Cheers

4. The Wonder Years

3. Perfect Strangers

2. Just the Ten of Us

I know I said Just the Ten of Us was the all-time best on the show, but shit man, I don’t know how, but I was overlooking:

1. The Golden Girls

Enjoy having these songs in your head for a week!

JACK ARNOLD

On a personal level, I’m stunned it took me so long to include The Wonder Years’ patriarch Jack Arnold (Dan Lauria) on this list. To be quite honest, part of me is in fear of Jack finding me, rolling up his sleeves, and pummeling my skull to dust with his bare fists for disrespecting him in such a way.

Jack Arnold is the fucking man. He’s The Incredible Hulk without gamma-ray poisoning, always ready to blow his stack and become an unrelenting ball of fury and mass destruction. What’s the over-under for the amount of Communists he killed in the Korean War? 1,000? Take the over. Is it a stretch to say Jack Arnold is probably impervious to fire? That he eats gun powder for breakfast and shits bullets? That he could flip over a tank with a backhanded strike? I think not.

War is Jack’s natural habitiat, and that’s why he’s often miserable at home dealing with his hippie daughter, obnoxious son #1, and boring son #2: he knows he’s no longer in a position to kill. I don’t know why that would stop him (no jail cell could hold him), perhaps it’s simply a case of Norma taming the beast. She must have, because on rare occasions we do see the tender side of Jack, the loving husband and the caring father. It’s these moments that define Jack as, IMO, the greatest “TV Dad” in history.

Jack Arnold, I salute you. Please don’t kill me.

Don’t forget to listen to Episode 17 of 300 Bucks Damage, available for download this Saturday, where Kev and Gord will discuss their favorite TV Shows of the 80s, including The Wonder Years.

What’s a podcast?

This may seem like a stupid question to you, but what the hell. A podcast is essentially a fake radio show. It’s the same as a radio show, but it’s not on the radio. Actually, it could be on the radio, but it would have to be available on the internet as well. The “pod” stems from iPod (duh), Apple’s absurdly popular mp3 player. Personally, I’m a Zune user (yeah, I’m the one), so it could have just as easily been called a Zunecast as far as I’m concerned.

When’s the best time to listen to a podcast?

This really depends on your schedule, but I’ll give you some suggestions.

• During your commute to/from work (either in your car, on the train, on your bike, etc.)
• During your lunch break (if you don’t have anybody else to keep you company)
• Before bed (it will help you fall to sleep if the show is boring)
• While you work (nothing helps hurry the day up more than to listen to Kev and me while slaving away at your desk, or on the construction site, or in the lab, or in the factory, etc.)
• While you eat (breakfast, lunch, and dinner are only enhanced by the sounds of 300 Bucks Damage)
• At the gym (nothing helps you get through that extra mile on the treadmill like our dulcet tones)
• On a date (nothing will turn your date on more than hearing Kev and me yap about utter nonsense)
• While cleaning your house/apartment (we’ll keep you entertained and your home will be spic and span)
• Any other time I didn’t think of…

What’s this post really all about, anyway?

OK. I want you to subscribe to the 300 Bucks Damage podcast. If you use iTunes, please find us and subscribe. If you use Zune, please do it too. If you use myYahoo, or iGoogle, or some other RSS reader… please add us. Here’s the link to our general syndication feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/3BD

Once you’ve subscribed to 300 Bucks Damage, you’ll get the latest show when it’s posted every Saturday, and you’ll be free to listen at your leisure. You should still visit GordTep.com though because we have plenty of entertaining crap on here, but seeing the subscriber count go up makes us happy.

WILLIAM “D-FENS” FOSTER

“I am not a vigilante. I am just trying to get home to my little girl’s birthday party and if everyone will just stay out of my way, nobody will get hurt.”

Right about now half of you reading this are saying, “who?” Yeah, well that’s why this series includes the word “underappreciated.”

Fine, maybe tragic hero D-Fens (Michael Douglas) loses his mind at the end of the movie Falling Down and shouldn’t be hailed for it–but his journey to get there is marvelous, a delightful fantasyland we all slip into from time to time. We’ve all had days like his, only we don’t have the balls to act out the way he acts out. Like so many of us, he was promised a Capitalist haven where anyone can be successful if they truly wanted it, where truth and justice went hand-in-hand with the American Way. The everyday denial of this notion presents a frustrating struggle for so many of us, and Bill Foster does what we all want to do: fight back, let the world know you are standing up for yourself, and that you’re through taking shit.

Bill Foster, for having that courage, I salute you.

By the way, if you haven’t already, please subscribe to 300 Bucks Damage on iTunes, Zune, or whatever RSS reader you use. Either search for 300 Bucks Damage and subscribe within the program, or add the following link to your reader: http://feeds.feedburner.com/3BD

If you’re new to the site, feel free to go back and check out some of our podcast archives. Spread the word, 300BucksDamage.com, GordTep.com, tell your friends, tell your neighbors…

As always, please send feedback to podcast@gordtep.com.

GEORGE McFLY

“Hey you, get your damn hands off her!”

How awesome is George McFly? He contributes so much to the first Back to the Future that one wonders how they did the sequels without him (that’s a testament to the greatness of Michael J Fox and Christopher Lloyd, I suppose). Next time you watch the original, take note that half of the funniest lines are delivered by George, both in the original 1985 and in 1955. For Christ sake, he took the line, “what Lorraine? What?” and made it pure gold.

Sure, Doc and Marty get all the credit for being the heroes in the series, but why does nobody talk about George? We laugh at him, laugh with him, cheer him on when its time to knock out Biff and save Lorraine, and then we all go a big softee when he delivers one of the greatest kisses in cinematic history to save Marty. He’s George, George McFly, and he’s our density.

George McFly, I salute you.

As for the selection, this is by no means a list of what are–in my opinion–the “greatest” movies of all time. Rather, they are a list of my favorites. The difference is simply that a guilty pleasure like Roadhouse won’t be seen on a list alongside the likes of The Godfather or Casablanca, but you very well may see it on a list like this (SPOILER: sadly, you don’t).

Honorable mentions: Watchmen, Superbad, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall may make the list one day, but I need to give them more time to settle. Clerks was the first non-mainstream film I ever saw, opening my eyes to a whole new world. Others I can’t forget are Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie, The Princess Bride, The Rocky Series, most of the Star Trek series, Very Bad Things, and The Warriors. Onto the top three:

The Big Lebowski (1998 – 1 hour, 58 minutes)
IMDb summary: “Dude” Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, seeks restitution for his ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it.
Why it’s on my list: Because it’s a fucking crime to make me pin one favorite character, one favorite scene, and one favorite quote from this movie. Every single thing about this movie is fucking gold, and I never ever ever tire of watching it. Disagree? Yeah, well…
Favorite Character: The Dude! ( “or uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or uh y’know, El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.”)
Favorite Scene: Dude drops his roach while driving and listening to Creedence.
Favorite Quote: “We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole the car… and the fucking money… AND… we know that this is your homework!”

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004 – 1 hour, 48 minutes)
IMDb summary: A couple undergo a procedure to erase each other from their memories when their relationship turns sour, but it is only through the process of loss that they discover what they had to begin with.
Why it’s on my list: Is it enough to say “I just love this movie”? It’s a great abstract twist on a simple love story with great visual effects and 2 brilliant protagonists who balance eachother out perfectly. Any time the Virgo and I have a tiff, this movie will cheer me up.
Favorite Character: Joel
Favorite Scene: Joel says goodbye to Clementine.
Favorite Quote: “Okay.”

Mulholland Dr. (2001 – 2 hours, 27 minutes)
IMDb summary: After a car wreck on the winding Mulholland Drive renders a woman amnesic, she and a perky Hollywood-hopeful search for clues and answers across Los Angeles in a twisting venture beyond dreams and reality.
Why it’s on my list: Because I will spend the rest of my life trying to figure it out, even though I know I never ever will. This movie is truly a work of art. David Lynch at his best.
Favorite Character: Diane Selwyn
Favorite Scene: The Club Silencio (BEST – SCENE – EVER)
Favorite Quote: “No! Hay! Banda!”

Well, those are my favorite three. As for the other 12 that I like only slightly less…

Back to the Future (1985 – 1 hour, 56 minutes)
IMDb summary: In 1985, Doc Brown invents time travel; in 1955, Marty McFly accidentally prevents his parents from meeting, putting his own existence at stake.
Why it’s on my list: Needs no explanation. It’s the only movie on both my list and Gord’s (could you tell we were fans?).
Favorite Character: George McFly
Favorite Scene: George and Lorraine kiss for the first time.
Favorite Quote: “What Lorraine?! What?!”

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982 – 1 hour, 30 minutes)
IMDb summary: A story of a group of California teenagers who enjoy malls, sex and rock n’ roll.
Why it’s on my list: It’s an actual decent portrayal of high school with too many great characters and lines to count. After years of watching on basic cable, I was both stunned to see tits on the VHS and saddened to see the Brad Hamilton/college advisor scene not included. I’m still waiting for that scene to be released on a special edition DVD, or on youtube for that matter.
Favorite Character: Mike Damone
Favorite Scene: Spicoli driving Jefferson’s car.
Favorite Quote: “Hey, this is great iced tea!”

Fight Club (1999 – 2 hours, 19 minutes)
IMDb summary: An office employee and a soap salesman build a global organization to help vent male aggression. DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB
Why it’s on my list: It set a new standard of movie quality for me and held my #1 status for almost 10 years. Although I’ve played it out for myself, the philosophy behind this film still rings true to me. As a matter of fact, I went running for the dvd after suffering through the torturous pretentious hell that was Juno. You are not your hamburger phone, you smug bitch.
Favorite Character: Tyler Durden
Favorite Scene: The final scene.
Favorite Quote: “The question – RAYMOND – is what did you want to be?!”

Natural Born Killers: Director’s Cut (1994 – 2 hours, 1 minute)
IMDb summary: Two victims of traumatized childhoods become lovers and psychopathic serial murderers irresponsibly glorified by the mass media.
Why it’s on my list: Besides the fact that it screams “90′s!!!” (I’m one of the decade’s biggest fans), this movie is–IMO–the greatest love story of all time.
Favorite Character: Mallory Knox
Favorite Scene: Mickey and Mallory are reunited during the prison riot.
Favorite Quote: “Still like me now, Jack?”

Paradise Lost: The Child Murders at Robin Hood Hills (1996 – 2 hours, 30 minutes)
IMDb summary: A horrific triple child murder leads to an indictment and trial of three nonconformist boys based on questionable evidence.
Why it’s on my list: This documentary stirs up my emotions more than any other film. If you haven’t seen it, then sadly you should. Be ready to be fucking angry when it’s over. Learn more (and believe me, there’s a LOT more) at wm3.org (currently under renovation).
Favorite Character: n/a
Favorite Scene: Everyone’s reaction to the Echols/Baldwin verdict.
Favorite Quote: “I do know that my Youth Director had talked to Damien extensively at the Revival that we had, and he told him that he could not be saved; that he could not give his heart to Jesus.”

Robocop (1987 – 1 hour, 43 minutes)
IMDb summary: In a dystopic & crime ridden Detroit, a terminally wounded cop returns to the force as a powerful cyborg with submerged memories haunting him.
Why it’s on my list: There was a stretch of time as a child when I watched this movie every day. I loved it then, and I still love it now. I’m not ashamed, nor should I be. It’s a solid movie that doubles as a good satire of 1980′s excess. IMO, the over-the-top violence just makes it charming.
Favorite Character: Clarence Boddicker
Favorite Scene: Emil takes a bath.
Favorite Quote: “Nice shootin’ son, what’s your name?” – “Murphy.”

Seven (1995 – 2 hours, 7 minutes)
IMDb summary: Police drama about two cops, one new and one about to retire, after a serial killer using the seven deadly sins as his MO.
Why it’s on my list: Best. Ending. Ever. (spoiler!) It’s Seven for fucks sake, it’s awesome. No explanation necessary.
Favorite Character: John Doe
Favorite Scene: Mills finds out “what’s in the fucking box”
Favorite Quote: “detectiiiIIIIIIIVE! You’re looking for me.”

Stand By Me (1986 – 1 hour, 27 minutes)
IMDb summary: After the death of a friend, a writer recounts a boyhood journey to find a body of a missing boy.
Why it’s on my list: It’s a classic, and one of my earliest favorites. Of the 4 main boys, there’s a little of each in all of us, so it’s easy to connect with them. Not to mention, Kiefer Sutherland’s Ace Merill gets no credit as an awesome antagonist.
Favorite Character: Vern
Favorite Scene: Lard Ass’ revenge
Favorite Quote: “Why don’t you go home and fuck your mother some more?”

Superman II (1980 – 2 hours, 7 minutes)
IMDb summary: Superman agrees to sacrifice his powers to marry Lois, unaware that three Kryptonian criminals he inadvertently released are conquering Earth.
Why it’s on my list: I’m a huge fan of the Christopher Reeve Superman series, and this one sits at the top. It’s got everything: great humor (something missing in the bullshit “Richard Donner Cut”), great story, great twists, great cast, great protagonist, great antagonists, great romance–great everything!
Favorite Character: Clark Kent
Favorite Scene: Clark gets the shit kicked out of him in the diner.
Favorite Quote: “General, would you care to step outside?”

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991 – 2 hours, 32 minutes)
IMDb summary: The cyborg who once tried to kill Sarah Connor must now protect her teenager son, John Connor, from an even more powerful and advanced cyborg.
Why it’s on my list: Do you remember seeing this in the theater for the first time? Do you remember your reaction to the T-1000 special effects? Holy FUCK! It was the greatest thing you’d ever seen! T2 is probably the greatest action movie ever made. It’s certainly on the list of greatest sequels in history. Again, great story, great effects, great protagonists, FANTASTIC antagonist, stunning action and chase sequences.
Favorite Character: T-1000
Favorite Scene: Sarah shakes hands with the Terminator before lowering him into the steel.
Favorite Quote: “Your foster parents are kinda dicks, huh?”

V for Vendetta (2005 – 2 hours, 13 minutes)
IMDb summary: A shadowy freedom fighter known only as “V” uses terrorist tactics to fight against his totalitarian society. Upon rescuing a girl from the secret police, he also finds his best chance at having an ally.
Why it’s on my list: Being a big fan of Orson Wells’ “1984″, I’m an easy sucker for this movie. It’s frighteningly not that far fetched, which in turn makes V one of my all-time favorite protagonists.
Favorite Character: V
Favorite Scene: V addresses the masses.
Favorite Quote: “People should not be afraid of their governments, the governments should be afraid of their people.”

Wet Hot American Summer (2001 – 1 hour, 37 minutes)
IMDb summary: Summer camp hijinks, set in 1981.
Why it’s on my list: This growing cult classic is certainly not for everyone, but if you’re into “out-there” comedy and random-ass humor, then this spoof of 80′s camp movies is definately for you. It features numerous sketch-comedy vets (including multiple members of my beloved The State) alongside Emmy-level actors, and it gets funnier with each viewing.
Favorite Character: Gene
Favorite Scene: Victor driving back to Abby Bernstein.
Favorite Quote: “You taste like a burger. I don’t like you anymore.”

—

Hopefully I’ve aroused some curiosity in movies you haven’t seen and maybe added a flick or two to a Netflix queue. If you disagree with my selections, that’s because it’s not a list of your favorite movies. It’s a list of mine. Feel free to criticize, but please keep this in mind. As always, I’m up for any suggestions.

Honorable mentions: Coming to America, Field of Dreams, Pumping Iron, Ghostbusters, Private Parts, Manhattan, Good Fellas.

15. The Naked Gun (1988 – 1 hour, 25 minutes)
Logline: You’ve read the ad, now see the movie!
Favorite Character: Lt. Frank Drebin
Favorite Scene: Frank Drebin as the Ump at the baseball game
Favorite Quote: “Nice beaver!”

14. Old School (2003 – 1 hour, 31 minues)
Logline: All the fun of college, none of the education.
Favorite Character: Frank the Tank
Favorite Scene: The one with Vince Vaughn coughing, “Don’t do it!” at the wedding
Favorite Quote: “… Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.”

13. Anchorman (2004 – 1 hour, 34 minutes)
Logline: His news is bigger than your news.
Favorite Character: Rob Burgundy
Favorite Scene: When Ron meets Veronica at the party
Favorite Quote: “I’m in a glass case of emotion!”

12. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (1985 – 1 hour, 30 minutes)
Logline: The story of a rebel and his bike.
Favorite Character: Mickey
Favorite Scene: When Pee-Wee gives Francis and his father the trick gum
Favorite Quote: “I know you are, but what am I?”

11. The Birdcage (1996 – 1 hour, 57 minutes)
Logline: Come as you are.
Favorite Character: Agador (Spartacus)
Favorite Scene: When Sen. Keeley finds out his GOP buddy died in bed with an underage black whore
Favorite Quote: “Oh yes… Coldeman. The ‘d’ is silent in America.”

10. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988 – 1 hour, 50 minutes)
Logline: Nice guys finish last. Meet the winners.
Favorite Character: Freddy Benson
Favorite Scene: Freddy Benson trying to remember Lawrence Jamieson’s name in jail
Favorite Quote: “May I go to the bathroom?”

9. Rocky (1976 – 1 hour, 59 minutes)
Logline: You have a ringside seat for the bloodiest bicentennial in history!
Favorite Character: Paulie
Favorite Scene: When Mickey tells Rocky breaking legs for a loan shark is a “waste of life!”
Favorite Quote: “You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!”

8. Major League (1989 – 1 hour, 37 minutes)
Logline: When these three oddballs try to play hardball, the result is totally screwball.
Favorite Character: Lou Brown
Favorite Scene: Rick Vaughn fighting with Roger Dorn in the locker room
Favorite Quote: “Suck my dick.”

7. Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993 – 1 hour, 34 minutes)
Logline: n/a
Favorite Character: Larry Lipton
Favorite Scene: When Larry wakes up in the middle of the night after dreaming about ring card girls
Favorite Quote: “Claustrophia and a dead body – this is a neurotic’s jackpot!”

6. Back to School (1986 – 1 hour, 36 minutes)
Logline: Registration starts Friday, June 13, at theaters everywhere.
Favorite Character: Thornton Melon
Favorite Scene: Professor Turgeson!
Favorite Quote: “Why don’t you call me sometime when you have no class.”

5. Office Space (1999 – 1 hour, 29 minutes)
Logline: Work Sucks.
Favorite Character: Michael Bolton
Favorite Scene: Joanna quits her job at Chotchkies
Favorite Quote: “We get caught laundering money… We’re going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.”

4. The Highlander (1986 – 1 hour, 56 minutes)
Logline: There can be only one.
Favorite Character: Connor McCloud
Favorite Scene: Kurgan & Connor in the church.
Favorite Quote: “Are you going to turn off the tape or shoot me with the .45?”

3. Swingers (1996 – 1 hour, 26 minutes)
Logline: Coctails first. Questions later.
Favorite Character: Trent
Favorite Scene: Trent dancing on the table in the diner
Favorite Quote: “She was smiling at how money I was.”

2. Star Wars (1977 – 2 hours, 1 minute)
Logline: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
Favorite Character: Obi Wan Kenobi
Favorite Scene: The swing across
Favorite Quote: “… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now…”

1. Back to the Future (1985 – 1 hour, 57 minutes)
Logline: He was never in time for his classes . . .Then one day he wasn’t in his time at all.
Favorite Character: Marty McFly
Favorite Scene: Skateboard chase
Favorite Quote: “Hey you, get your damn hands off her.”

THE FAT ASIAN KID FROM ROCKY V

“Fiiiight!”

I’ll make this short: I wanted to get a Rocky character into this series, but the problem is that all the great characters already live in the public’s high esteem (even Paulie’s robot). I had toyed with writing a column about Duke (Apollo and then Rocky’s trainer) as my friends and I have gotten a laugh out of “THROW THE DAMN TOWEL!” on many occasions.

Except when it comes to laughs, nothing beats the excitement on that fat Asian kid’s face when Rocky Jr starts beating up his bully outside of school in Rocky V. I laugh every single time. I laugh even harder when I’m discussing Rocky for the first time with someone and that person INSTANTLY knows who I’m talking about when I mention this kid.

Fat Asian Kid from Rocky V, your lust for violence and excited face have brought me many laughs. I salute you.

MIKE DAMONE

When people talk about Fast Times at Ridgemont High it’s typically about one of three things: either Jeff Spicoli or Phoebe Cates’ tatas. Discussing the movie further, you might hear mentions of the great Mr Hand, Brad Hamlilton, Forest Whitaker, or Stacy’s promiscuity (was Jennifer Jason Leigh even legal when this movie was shot?). Only after all that will people bring up Mike Damone–and that’s just not fair. Damone (Robert Romanus) is the highlight of Ridgemont High–bar none–and shines brighter than the rest of the students put together.

Sure, stealing Rat’s crush is a dick move. Lasting approximately 4 thrusts inside of her ain’t something to look up to either. Showing up at Stacy’s pool uninvited and towel-in-hand is classic douchebaggery. And obviously, insinuations of small-statured genitalia was certainly embarrassing.

But none of it matters! Why? Because Mike Damone can appreciate an iced tea without even tasting it. Because Mike Damone comes for the strudel. And, of course, because Mike Damone knows what he looks like. I would gladly risk his “prick” behavior and hang out with Damone every day of the week, as every other thing that comes out of his mouth is unintentionally hysterical. Things like, among others:

“Usze ya face. Usze ya body!”
“Came over to help ya with your math HOMEwork.”
“Isn’t this GREAT?”
“See my moustache comin in, Rat?”
“Came this close to workin at 7-11, y’know.”
“Hey Rat, you gotta ace that jacket!”
“Rat, show ‘em how you can stand up underwater!”
“When you have that… then you have the attitude.”
“Hey Linda, I’ll teach ya to dive. I used to be a champion myself, y’know.”
“I woke up in a good mood, what happened?”
“What a guy.”

What a guy, indeed. Mike Damone, I salute you. So do these guys in this AWESOME NSFW VIDEO!!!

“THE BASKETCASE”
ALLISON REYNOLDS

The recent loss of writer/director John Hughes was rough for me. The amount of amazing characters he created is staggering, but if you asked me which my all-time favorite was I wouldn’t hesitate in naming The Breakfast Club’s “Basketcase” member Allison Reynolds (Ally Sheedy) above everyone else, including Ferris Beuller and Clark Griswold.

Can a member of the Breakfast Club be underappreciated? Your goddam right she can. 10 bucks says you didn’t even know her name was “Allison Reynolds.” Vernon and the other 4 kids grab so much more attention, and for good reason: Allison says all of one word the first half of the movie. But see, that’s what I love about her! She quietly sits there, listening and plotting, waiting for the right moment to open up and start manipulating the rest of the group. Stuck getting sodas with Andrew, she acts out to make him feel uncomfortable and calls him out on being fulla shit. Brian must have felt great later on, knowing this quiet chick stole his wallet just to get his personal info, then brag about it. And of course, the coup de grace, her total fucking pwnage of Claire in the round circle. And she did all this because she was bored on a Saturday!

As far as the end is concerned, and Allison’s preppie transformation, I ignore that. Who doesn’t? Everyone knows once the round circle discussion is over the movie starts becoming astronomically absurd (Andrew breaking a glass door by shouting we can accept, but Bender kissing Claire? NO FUCKING WAY!). Besides, we all know that Andrew’s sporto friends will still make fun of her, he’ll dump her, she’ll take her revenge, then go back to wearing black and listening to Joy Division (probably).

Allison, I salute you.

TONY THE TIGER vs SUGAR BEAR

Sugar Bear, on the other hand, will beat the shit out of any creature on gods green earth–while high.

WINNER: SUGAR BEAR

CAP’N CRUNCH vs FRANKENBERRY
Let’s get right to the point, shall we? The big question in this one is whether or not Frankenberry is strong enough to handle all the tricks the Cap’n has stored under his hat (sometimes literally). Frankenberry is a pretty thick guy–however in past commercials it is always shown that he has the courage of a squirrel. Frankenberry also loses points for losing his lifelong battle with his arch-rival Count Chocula (you don’t see Frankenberry for sale anymore, do you?). Not to mention, and let’s be honest here, pink isn’t exactly a masculine color.

Cap’n Crunch, meanwhile, has been around for over forty years foiling Soggies, Pirates, bad times, and whatever other antagonists come his way. He’s bound to know a trick or two to defeat Frankenberry, like hitting him in the teeth with an anchor, for example.

WINNER: CAP’N CRUNCH

TRIX RABBIT vs SONNY THE CUCKOO BIRD
Holy fuck, it’s just mean to pair these two up against eachother. A full-blown addict vs a recovering addict. Here’s how I see it playing out…

Rabbit asks Sonny to get him some Trix. Sonny politely declines, telling Rabbit that he’s trying to stay off cereal. Rabbit promises Cocoa Puffs for Sonny if he could score some Trix for him, Sonny again refuses, angrier than before. Rabbit persists, eventually causing Sonny to cave, as usual. Sonny goes Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, manically bounces around town for a few hours, and crashes hard in an alley somewhere. At no point does Sonny remember to score Trix for Rabbit.

Sonny wakes up hungover, hangs his head, and checks back into rehab. When he leaves rehab and goes back to his apartment (nest?) he finds Rabbit waiting for him, and Rabbit is none too happy. When Sonny can’t produce the Trix, Rabbit breaks his leg. Rabbit tells Sonny he’s got 24 hours to make good on the deal or else the next beating will be worse. Sonny contacts some old friends, looking for Trix, but is unsuccessful–because as we all know: Trix are for kids. With an hour to go before his deadline, Sonny panicks and grabs a Malt-o-Meal knockoff, hoping Rabbit wont notice once it’s in the bowl.

Now, I’m a fan of Malt-o-Meal. In general, the difference between them and the big wigs is minimal. Rabbit, on the other hand, doesn’t fuck around when it comes to Trix.

Sonny is found later that afternoon on the sidewalk, a victim of an apparent slip-and-fall off a roof.

WINNER: TRIX RABBIT

COUNT CHOCULA vs LUCKY THE LEPRECHAUN
Now we’re getting into the supernatural (as if murderous, talking, cartoon mascots weren’t enough). The leprechaun vs the vampire. Count Chocula could potentially take everyone on this list, what with being impervious to violence, the ability to turn into a bat, heightened strength and sesnses, whatever it is you believe a vampire does. Technically he should have no problem with a little shrimp like Lucky, right?

Wrong! This fight is practically a fucking no-contest! Lucky is a magical leprechaun! If Chocula goes after him, all Lucky has to do is conjure up a yellow sun to burn up his vampire ass, am I right?

Disagree? How do you think Lucky came up with THIS CEREAL? Because he annihilated Count Chocula and stole his legacy, that’s why.

WINNER: LUCKY THE LEPRECHAUN

Step One:
Create a website/blog using WordPress. (www.wordpress.com)

Step Two:
Configure a Twitterfeed to post updates based on the blog’s RSS feed. (www.twitterfeed.com)

Step Three:
Use Facebook’s Twitter application to automatically post your Twitter updates on Facebook. (http://tinyurl.com/5uew7g)

That’s it.

When posting this short post on GordTep.com, a link to it is simulataneously posted on Twitter and Facebook. Pretty cool, eh?

By the way, Kev & I will be back tomorrow for this week’s episode of the 300 Bucks Damage podcast, spotlighting our favorite cartoons from the 1980s and 1990s.

Of course, I’m talking about movies with–gasp!–subtitles. I know, I know, “I wanna watch a movie, not read!” I had the same fear when I was younger. If you’ve moved on past such absurd notions in your life, congratulations. If not, let me ask you this: if you’re watching the scene in The Goonies where Mouth is speaking Spanish to Rosalita, do you hit fast forward? Go for a snack? Throw the remote at the TV in frustration? No, you don’t. So if you can look past the subtitles to enjoy that scene, trust me, you can enjoy these movies.

Again, this is all simply my opinion, but if you wanna check rottentomatoes, go ahead. They back me up.

Run Lola Run (Germany, 1998) — Suspense — 1 hour, 20 minutes.
imdb Summary: A young woman in Germany has twenty minutes to find and bring 100,000 Deutschmarks to her boyfriend before he robs a supermarket.
Why you should see it: This was the first awesome foreign movie I ever saw, and the same probably goes for a lot of people within my generation (x/y). In fact, there’s a very good chance you’ve seen this. If not, you’re probably wondering how one can stretch a 20 minute plot into 80 minutes of film. Well, if you watch it you’ll find out–and because it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen, your mind will probably be blown. This movie pays close attention to the little things that go unnoticed, but can have a huge impact on our lives. Not to mention the iconic soundtrack will be stamped on your memory forever.

Oldboy (Korea, 2003) — Revenge, Cult — 2 hours.
imdb Summary: After being kidnapped and imprisoned for 15 years, Oh Dae-Su is released, only to find that he must find his captor in 5 days.
Why you should see it: It’s certainly one of the more original revenge movies you’ll ever see, and it includes bags full of twists, turns, and other fucked up shit you’ve never seen before. Spielberg has been rumored to direct an American remake of it starring Will Smith, and that’s guaranteed to come nowhere near the awesomeness of the original. I don’t want to spoil anything, so let’s just say things happen in Oldboy that wholesome Will Smith will go nowhere near, and the movie will suffer because of it.

Inside (France, 2007) — Horror — 1 hour, 23 minutes.
imdb Summary: Four months after the death of her husband, a woman on the brink of motherhood is tormented in her home by a strange woman who wants her unborn baby.
Why you should see it: Because horror movies bore the shit out of me, yet this one I’m head over heels in love with. To put it plainly: this movie is SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP. If it made me squirm in my seat, it will very likely do at least the same for you. What the imdb summary doesn’t tell you is that the strange woman who wants this unborn baby plans to get it by cutting it out of the other woman with a pair of scissors. I fucking love this movie.

JCVD (Belgium, 2008) — Comedy/Drama — 1 hour, 37 minutes.
my Summary: The washed up Jean Claude Van Damme, playing himself, returns home to Brussels and becomes the prime suspect in a bank robbery.
Why you should see it: You don’t have to be a Jean Claude Van Damme fan to appreciate the self deprecating comedic elements of this movie or the heart-felt monologue near its climax–but if you are a Van Damme fan, or have ever been one, it would be hard for you not to think this movie is awesome.

The Dinner Game (France, 1998) — Comedy — 1 hour, 20 minutes.
imdb Summary: Each week, Pierre and his friends organize what is called as “un diner de cons” (“dinner of idiots”). Everyone brings the dumbest guy he could find as a guest. Pierre thinks his champ -Francois Pignon- will steal the show.
Why you should see it: BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING FUNNY AS SHIT. That should be enough. Jaques Villeret (the idiot) is particularly phenomenal. I’m actually quite excited for the supposed American remake starring Paul Rudd and Steve Carell–perfect actors for this movie.

The Tunnel (Germany, 2001) — Suspense – 2 hours, 47 minutes.
my Summary: In 1961 Germany, a group of people in West Berlin dig a tunnel under the newly erected Berlin Wall to rescue friends and relatives in Communist East Berlin.
Why you should see it: Because if you’re a member of my generation, all you really remember of the Berlin Wall was that it fell when you were a kid. You don’t quite realize how fucking crazy the whole thing was when it was originally built. This movie is basically a “Best-of real life Berlin Wall escape attempts” jammed into 150 minutes. You will shake your head at what people went through not that long ago. The dramatization of the Peter Fechter incident is particularly gripping.

Life is Beautiful (Italy, 1997) — Comedy/Tragedy — 1 hour, 56 minutes.
imdb Summary: A Jewish man has a wonderful romance with the help of his humor, but must use that same quality to protect his son in a Nazi death camp.
Why you should see it: Besides all the deserved award nods/wins, this is a must-see because its a Holocaust movie that doesn’t turn its back on the horrors of concentration camps and still makes you laugh–and after all the laughter it’s still so fucking depressing that I can only watch it every few years. This movie is truly remarkable.

Europa, Europa (Germany, 1990) — Suspense — 1 hour, 52 minutes.
imdb Summary: A boy in Nazi Germany, trying to conceal that he is Jewish, joins the Hitler Youth.
Why you should see it: Because it’s probably the craziest true story you’ll ever encounter. It’s nuts to call a Jewish kid in Nazi Germany lucky, but shit man… if you ever want to be in the wrong place at the right time, follow this guy. It also includes one of my favorite movie scenes–and a great example of a Catch 22–where boatloads of Jews are passing eachother on a river in Poland, one side fleeing an invading Germany, the other side fleeing an invading Soviet Union.

That’s enough to add to a Netflix queue for now, I think. As for the highly acclaimed Soviet “Come and See” I mentioned a few weeks back, it was good. If you need another reason to call the Nazis sick evil fucks, then it’s for you.

I’m welcome to any suggestions! Leave any you may have in the comments section!

Zemeckis

NOTE: Kev was wrong. Gord was right.

He was kind enough to support us on his blog with a post and a permanent link. This is his receipt. Please find a permanent link to his site on the right of your screen, under “Pages.” His goal is a new entry every other day, so visit often (and feel free to call him a “biter” for discussing Nick at Nite). Thanks, Jared. Personally, I legit-can’t-wait for your blog about the Golden Girls (I know it’s gotta come eventually).

As for us, don’t forget to tune in later this week for our Back to the Future episode which should be both amazing and utterly asinine, and as soon as I actually finish watching the acclaimed Soviet epic “Come and See” I’ll be posting a list of foreign films that should not be feared amongst us English speakers.

Until next time, I’m outta heeeeere.

Cedar Point (Sandusky, OH) vs Six Flags Great Adventure (Jackson, NJ)

Let’s just get right to the spoiler here: Cedar wins, hands down. As a person who absolutely adores GA, it kills me to admit that. However, Six Flags has nothing to be ashamed of here. CP is just unfair in how amazing it is. No amusement park could possibly top it. Sure, Six Flags could learn a thing or two from Cedar Point, but still… it’s like Great Adventure is Tony Gwynn and Cedar Point is Ted Williams.

I just came back from my first Cedar Point road trip with my girlfriend The Virgo, friend Crackerman, and his wife Siamese Dream (formerly unoriginally known as Crackerwoman), hitting Hershey Park (thumbs way up) on the way there and Dorney Park (big let down) on the way back. Upon returning to Queens, we all wanted to turn around and go back. If you are a roller coaster fan and have been toying with the idea of a trip to Sandusky: stop dreaming about it, just do it. Everything you’ve heard about it is true (including the bad–yes, the park layout is horribly frustrating, but you really don’t care in the end). The place is roller coaster heaven. Let’s get to the comparisons, shall we?

(AGAIN, these are by no means definitive arguments, just my own personal opinion)

Top Thrill Dragster vs Kingda Ka
The Dragster is more functional, has a faster moving line, and no shoulder harness. Ka is 36 feet higher and 8 mph faster, edging Dragster for tallest and fastest (456′/128 mph) on Planet Earth, and includes a 129-foot hill after the 418-foot drop for kicks. Do any of these factors make a difference? No. As The Virgo points out, once you break the 100 mph barrier your brain stops comprehending what’s happening. When riding these two, the only thing on your mind is “HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT!” Edge: Draw

Millennium Force vs Nitro
Unfair to pair Nitro up against MF, you say? Maybe not. Each came out around the same time, and each boasts the second-tallest-and-fastest status in their respective parks. Their designs are similar at best, but close enough in my book. What this matchup really comes down to is speed vs air time. MF is a beauty, and at a cruising speed of 93 mph, it’s a joy to ride–but I’m sorry, it just doesn’t have any of the air time I like in a coaster, something Nitro has buckets of. In my book, MF is a 9, but Nitro is a 10 for mixing the amazing speed with solid air. Edge: Nitro

Maverick vs El Toro
If you haven’t ridden both of these rides, you’re probably screaming “you can’t compare a steel to a wooden!” Typically you’re right, but in this case you’re wrong. With the constant amazing speed and ridiculous twists and turns, these rides feel very similar. The difference is that Maverick does all the things El Toro would do if it weren’t restricted to wood standards. Maverick is just… there are few words. “I want to make love to this ride” might be some of them. “I want to tattoo this ride on my face” might be a few more. El Toro, I’m sorry. You were my all-time favorite roller coaster before my trip to Ohio, but now–Edge: Maverick

Raptor vs Batman
All the stats show that Raptor is the better of the 2 inverteds. However, all the stats in the world can’t measure up to the sentimentality I have towards Batman, nor can the stats live in a special place in my heart–where Batman currently resides. Edge: Batman

Wicked Twister vs Superman: Ultimate Flight
I know these 2 rides are nothing at all alike, but here’s why I paired them off: they are both unique to their parks, and have designs you don’t often find in a common amusement park. Besides all the obvious differences, there is one glaring disparity between the 2 rides: Superman looks much better than it rides, Twister rides much better than it looks. Edge: Wicked Twister

Mantis vs Medusa/Bizarro
Let me start off by saying I don’t approve of the Bizarro makeover to Medusa. You know what I approve of even less? Getting my balls squished and having my head battered around, like I did on Mantis. Edge: Medusa/Bizarro

Magnum XL-200 vs Great American Scream Machine
Each ride is celebrating it’s 20th birthday this year. One has aged amazingly well, and is essentially an early-Nitro. The other gets worse and worse, rougher and rougher, and seemingly slower and slower each season. Scream Machine, you were my first true coaster, and we had a long love affair–but these days, if word comes that you’re getting torn down, I sadly won’t shed a tear. Edge: Magnum XL-200

Gemini vs Rolling Thunder
Gemini feels like a race that happens to be a roller coaster. Rolling Thunder is a roller coaster that happens to be a race (bonus points for the “this thing is just going to collapse one day” thrill factor). Edge: Rolling Thunder

Disaster Transport vs Skull Mountain
After years of riding the horrific Skull Mountain when bored at GA, Disaster Transport was a delight. “That is how all in-the-dark rides should be!” I exclaimed after riding it. Don’t ask me why, but for whatever reason, I just freakin love DT. Edge: Disaster Transport

Cedar Creek Mine Ride vs Runaway Mine Train
While the CCMR was fun, the RMT is one of the rare roller coasters on this Earth that scare the shit out of me. It’s so small and so old, I’m pretty convinced I’ll either fall out of it or the train will fall off the tracks. It’s truly a thrill ride. Edge: Runaway Mine Train

Wildcat vs Dark Knight
Wildcat is almost a Wild Mouse-type ride, Dark Knight is secretly a Wild Mouse-type ride. Wildcat is simply more fun because you know it’s a POS coaster before riding it, so there are no expectations. Dark Knight opened with a lot of hype, making one believe there was a legit roller coaster somewhere in its ugly box of a building–and it makes you sit through a too-long movie beforehand. It’s very irritating. Edge: Wildcat

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Let’s see then, after counting up the totals, we are dead even at 5-5-1…

…except Cedar Point also carries Mean Streak, Blue Streak, Corkscrew, and Iron Dragon (not to mention SkyHawk, MaxAir, and Power Tower). Give CP another 3 points (because riding ID and the Streaks is better than riding nothing), and GA one (because riding nothing is better than riding Corkscrew).

YOUR WINNER: CEDAR POINT (8-6-1)
Surprised? You shouldn’t be. I already told you Cedar was winning at the get go, dummy. CP also wipes the floor with GA in terms of atmosphere, food, and location (not that Ohio is easy to get to for everyone, just that it’s much nicer to be on a peninsula with a beach than in middle-of-nowhere New Jersey). Extra points to CP for the new Starlight Experience at dusk, truly the perfect way to wind down from hours and hours of walking, waiting, and riding.

Bottom line: Great Adventure can be done in a day. Cedar Point can’t, nor should it be.

—-

If I eventually make it out to Six Flags Magic Mountain (a.k.a. Walley World) outside of LA, I’ll have completed what is–in my estimation–the American Trifecta of Coaster Parks. I’ll then let everyone know how it stacks up against CP and GA. In the meantime…

The Top 5 Coasters that Ham City Kev has ridden in his life:
5. Superman: Ride of Steel (Six Flags America)
4. Milennium Force (Cedar Point)
3. Nitro (Six Flags Great Adventure)
2. El Toro (Six Flags Great Adventure)
1. Maverick (Cedar Point)

Full list here.
Youtube playlist here.

If you’ve read this far, that means you love roller coasters. Nice.

Ham City Kev: Did Bowser kidnap Janet Jones? Is Goomba in Gretzky’s way? Even if that’s not the case, you gotta figure Wayne’s survival instinct would kick in during such an encounter. Since body checking is not his thing, one slap shot from the Great One should be enough to take out the Goomba. WINNER: WAYNE GRETZKY

LEGEND MATCH: MARIO VS SONIC
HCK: Gotta go with Mario here, and really, it’s no contest. He’s got too many weapons! All he needs to defeat Sonic is 2 things: first, a Tanooki Suit to dodge the Sonic attack, followed by the classic Fire Flower to toast Sonic’s ass. If Sonic wants to get cute with run-ins from Tails, Knuckles, etc, he can try it. Allowing Luigi into the battle just doubles the Mario Bros arsenal. WINNER: MARIO

GT: Is the P-Wing legal? What about Sonic’s super shoes? I always referred to them as Reebok Pumps. Luigi and Toad are worthless, and the Princess can only fly in dreams (e.g., Mario 2). I’ll say that Sonic’s high-definition graphics will overwhelm Mario’s little pixelated ass. He’ll roll through Mario in high speed like a boulder against Indy. WINNER: SONIC

CLASSIC MATCH: DONKEY KONG VS PAC-MAN
GT: This battle should take place at the Mid-South Coliseum, or the Sportatorium, or the Pontiac Silverdome, or some other old arena that held wrestling events in the 1980s and no longer exists. Donkey Kong sure has the edge in terms of brute strength, but Pac Man is an automatic victor if power pellets are legal. Pac will likely run the risk of failing a test for performance enhancers because he’ll already have eaten Donkey Kong by the time the test is administered. Ms. Pac Man could also play the Jessica Lange role and distract DK. WINNER: PAC MAN

HCK: If the great Patrick Swayze has taught us anything (and he has), it’s that ghosts are intangible unless motivated by vengeance. I imagine with names like Inky, Blinky, Pinky, and Clyde, Pacman’s ghost pals are not the vengeful sort. One would then assume that Pacman is such a wimp that he dies when touched by something intangible! Even if you don’t buy into that philosophy, Pacman is constantly getting pwned by guys named Inky, Blinky, PINKY, and Clyde, for fuck’s sake! At least with a name like Mario, one can pretend that DK’s nemesis might have connections to the mafia. One barrel from Kong is more than enough for Pacman to choke on. WINNER: DONKEY KONG

DEATH MATCH: SAMUS ARAN (Metroid) VS RYU HAYABUSA (Ninja Gaiden)
HCK: Sure, Samus has one of the greatest arsenals of any video game character in history. But Ryu’s a ninja. Samus would be dead without even seeing what hit her. WINNER: RYU HAYABUSA

GT: Saaaaamus, a word with you. If Samus is in the Samus suit, she has a chance. If that Ninja Gai-den-hay guy from the Wizard is controlling Hayabusa, he wins. I didn’t really care much for either of these games, so I’m booking a draw and going to get popcorn at the concession stand. WINNER: NONE

ICON MATCH: RYU VS SUB-ZERO
GT: I’m guessing Ryu beat Ken in the qualifying match on Raw after HBK took out Bundy. Anyway, since Sub-Zero is an actual human being and Ryu is a cartoon, the Mortal Kombat superstar comes out on top– via fatality or nudality (if somebody from Prodigy in 1995 gave a genuine code). WINNER: SUB ZERO

HCK: Ryu dragon punches waterfalls in his spare time–and he’s supposed to be afraid of some icicles? 10 bucks says Ryu is prepared to fight honorably when Sub Zero slips him up by freezing the floor. Sub Zero then tries to cheez Ryu by sweeping the leg every time Ryu attempts to stand up, but eventually the sweep is blocked. Ryu says, “oh, we’re cheezing are we?” and slips into Champion Edition mode, firing hadoken after hadoken. 30 fireballs later, Ryu stands over Sub Zero’s body and shouts, “HIER EES SUB SEERO! NOW… PLAYN SEERO!” WINNER: RYU

TAG TEAM MATCH: BILLY & JIMMY LEE (Double Dragon) VS PAUL COFFEY & RAY BOURQUE (NHL Hockey)
HCK: Both teams can take a ton of punishment, but there’s one major difference: 7 or 8 punches will knock down the Double Dragon Duo, whereas Coffey and Bourque… well, I’m just not sure if knocking them down is even possible, to be frank. Once Billy and Jimmy are down, I just don’t see Paul and Ray letting them back up. Perhaps the better matchup here would be Coffey & Borque vs the 2 Abobos in Level 3 (those fucks). WINNER: PAUL COFFEY & RAY BOURQUE

GT: “Bimmy” and Jimmy don’t stand a chance against the 77s. You can make their heads bleed in this one, Mikey. WINNER: PAUL COFFEY & RAY BOURQUE

FATAL 4-WAY, ELIMINATION STYLE: LINK (Zelda) vs LITTLE MAC (Mike Tyson’s Punch Out) vs SIMON (Castlevania) vs MEGAMAN
GT: Little Mac knocked out Mike F’n Tyson in his prime. Nobody in the world could do that. Link needs swords that shoot electric swords or candles or magic flutes; Mac only needs his fists. Megaman and Simon can battle to the back because nobody cares about them. WINNER: LITTLE MAC

HCK: Agreed (though plenty of people care about Megaman and Simon, Gordo). Simon, Megaman, and Link all have pretty straight-forward attacks, nothing Mac can’t dodge easily and counter attack. Mac over Simon, Link over Megaman, Mac over Link. WINNER: LITTLE MAC. There are ways to? buy bulk ammo online these days for real for safety purposes but one must have good responsibility.

UNSTOPPABLE FORCE MATCH: MIKE TYSON (Punch-Out) VS BOB BACKLUND (Ham City Kev’s legendary CAW for N64′s WWF No Mercy)
HCK: Yeah, we threw in an inside reference for the final battle. How good was my Backlund creation? Well, all you readers remember how insanely tough Tyson was, correct? My Backlund would stretch Tyson so hard he’d shit himself. Backlund would then reach down Tyson’s shorts and force feed Kid Dynamite his own feces. You see, it’s not enough for my Backlund CAW to break his opponent’s body. He cannot rest until his opponent’s spirit is broken as well. WINNER: THE BOB BACKLUND CAW

GT: Backlund walking on his knees, making his weird bug-eyed face from the hour-mark of the ’93 Rumble. Even his maxed stats are no match for Tyson’s devastating uppercuts and jabs. Only a Buster Douglas CAW would stand a chance. Backlund might win with practice, but it takes a few times to get the timing down. Backlund could potentially win a best of seven series. There’s just no way he’s winning the first match. WINNER: MIKE TYSON

Honorable Mentions: Conker’s Bad Fur Day (N64), Contra (NES), James Bond: Agent Under Fire (PS2), Smackdown vs Raw (PS2), Sonic 1 (Genesis), Skitchin’ (Genesis), Sports Talk Baseball (Genesis), TMNT 4 (SNES), Virtual On (Arcade)

10. Robocop (Arcade, 1988)
It’s the game that got me hooked on going to arcades. As a young kid who loved everything Robocop, this game was the world to me. Authentic music and sound effects from the movie made this such a fun little side-scrolling shooter, and its place on my top-ten list was cemented after a nostalgic trip to my old arcade about a year ago. I found in my old stomping grounds the Gamechoice 2K, a machine that can load up just about every classic arcade game in history. With literally thousands of titles to choose from, I did not hesitate for one moment in deciding what to play first: Robocop.

9. Super Mario Bros (NES, 1986)
Do I need to explain? Fine, I’ll explain with an embarassing admission (one that I know I’m not alone on): I first played this game when I was 4. I first beat this game when I was 20. It never stopped being fun in between. That is a great fucking game–and IMHO, better than Mario 3.

8. Street Fighter series (multi-platform, 1987-present)
Pretty much the sole reason I picked up Capcom Classics Vol 2 for PS2 was because it included Street Fighter 1, a game that I loved even before its HOF sequel sparked the second great age in arcade gaming (a designation I just made up, please don’t take it literally or seriously). I can’t even imagine the amount of time I spent playing/watching SF2 in the arcades or at home on the SNES. I smile thinking back to the shock and awe I had the first time I laid eyes on SF2 Champion Edition. I’m still proud of the fact that I was able to routinely beat Marvel vs Capcom on one quarter in college. The Street Fighter series is simply the gold standard, and WAY better than Mortal Kombat in my book. If only I could figure out the Guile Gun Trick…

7. Grand Theft Auto III (PS2, 2001)
Like GordTep, I would cut class in college simply to play GTA1. It was easily one of the most mind blowing games in history. Now? The game is simply unplayable. Why? Because nobody in their right mind can stand GTA1 after they’ve played GTA3. Pretty much the sole reason I have a PS2 is because of this game. I don’t know which is more fun: playing the actual game, or aquiring 6 stars and then attempting to drive crosstown to the pay-n-spray.

6. Goldeneye (N64, 1997)
There was a month during my Freshman Year of college where this game was being played in every other male dorm room. That sounds a little embellished, but I’m honestly not sure if it is. Everyone played that game repeatedly because there was so damn much to do: Multiplayer with Pistols. Multiplayer with Automatics. Multiplayer with, by god, Proximity Mines in the Caverns stage (the holiest of the holy). And let’s not forget how fucking awesome the single-player missions were, even before you get caught up trying to score record times in each mission to unlock cheats! This game is a fucking legend.

5. Super Mario World (SNES, 1991)
Best. Mario. Sidescroller. Ever. Period. Even Yoshi’s annoying pansy ass can’t hold this icon down.

4. Super Mario Kart (SNES, 1992)
The original. Nothing beats it (though the Wii version comes close). Honestly, Nintendo could have released the racing mode and the battle mode as 2 seperate games and nobody would have flinched at buying both. SUCH an awesome game. And really, is there a better feeling than drilling someone with a green shell from 200 yards out?
Hey Nintendo! Release this on Virtual Console already!!! (Pilotwings too, while you’re at it)

3. WWF No Mercy (N64, 2000)
I know that Fire Pro has its followers, and the SD vs Raw series really took it to the next level, but No Mercy is the Grandaddy of all wrestling games. It’s just not debatable. What made it so great? Absolute perfect control and nearly unlimited freedom to make any character, do any move, have any match. Try and find someone who played this game in its time and didn’t like it. You can’t.

2. RBI Baseball (NES, 1988)
There are still RBI Championship Tournaments played these days. Are there Baseball Stars Tournaments? Sorry Gordo. Baseball Stars was highly innovative, but RBI was simply WAYYYYYYY more fun. I wish all modern baseball games had the option to go back to those classic controls.

1. Final Fantasy IV (as “Final Fantasy II” on SNES, 1991)
What can I say? You already get it if you’re a FF person. If you’re not, well… I feel sorry for you. You don’t know what you’re missing. Consider this: in June of 1996 I needed a 92 on my Biology final to avoid summer school, and instead of studying I played this game. That’s how addictive and amazing this game was! The horrifying threat of summer school wasn’t enough to stop it! (got an 82 on that final, btw, and my teacher passed me for the year anyway). I still feel guilty that I haven’t played another Final Fantasy game, before or since, considering how much I love this game.

Honorable Mentions: NHL Open Ice (Arcade), Gears of War 2 (XBox 360), River City Ransom (NES), Sonic 1 (Genesis), USA Basketball (Genesis), Smackdown vs. Raw (PS2), Fight Night Round 3 (XBox 360), Legend of Zelda (NES), Superman (Atari), UFC Undisputed 2009 (XBox 360)

10. Tecmo Super Bowl (NES, 1991)
Before EA and Madden monopolized the NFL genre, there was Tecmo. It had the real teams, the real players, and the ability to play a full season with stats. I’ve never even been a big football guy, but I still loved this game.

9. G.I. Joe (Commodore 64, 1985)
Most have never even heard of this game, but I have very fond memories of this one. A two-sided disk was required to hold this graphical monster. For some reason I recall the character selection screens featuring top names form both G.I. Joe and Cobra, including Zartan and Destro, among others.

8. 7th Guest (PC, 1993)
What an awesome game! In the early Pentium and CD-Rom days, this game was king. There were countless unique, hard-to-solve puzzles and a pretty cool story. It was sort of like Clue in a haunted house, with a whole slew of brain games.

7. NHL ’95 (Genesis, 1994)
An NHL game was bound to make this list. I chose ’95 because it was revolutionary in that it was the first to track statistics, hand out year-end-awards, etc. It took the greatness that everybody remembers of ’94 and upped it several notches.

6. Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out (NES, 1987)
From Glass Joe all the way to Kid Dynamite, this game was pure fun. Everybody who ever owned a Nintendo had to love this game. I can still remember the excitement I felt the first time I knocked out Iron Mike. Give him a call at 007-373-5963.

5. WWF No Mercy (N64, 2000)
WrestleMania 2000 was great, No Mercy was better. The best gameplay in any wrestling game, bar none, with a phenomenal create-a-wrestler engine. Kev and I spent countless hours playing this one in college. His Bob Backlund creation is legendary.

4. Baseball Stars (NES, 1989)
This is what a baseball game is supposed to be. Creating players and powering up their stats to reflect real-life counterparts was a blast. My brother and I played season after season in this game, and it never got old– excellent controls and graphics. Amazingly, this game still holds up pretty well 20 years later.

3. Star Wars (Arcade, 1983)
I can remember playing this one in the arcades and feeling as if I was actually flying an X-Wing through the death star trench. The cockpit style machine matched with the vector graphics made this one of the coolest video game experiences ever.

2. WrestleFest (Arcade, 1991)
Whether you’re playing the Royal Rumble or Saturday Night’s Main Event tag team matches, WrestleFest delivered in every way imaginable. My favorite characters in this game were Mr. Perfect and The Earthquake, but all of them were cool. I got so good that I could beat it on a single quarter– approximately 15 minutes of playtime. It seems like just yesterday I was playing this at the Caribbean Beach resort in between trips to Epcot and MGM Studios.

1. GTA IV (XBox 360, 2008)
Simply put, this game is a masterpiece. It’s the most entertaining and complete experience of any video game ever made. Liberty City feels so incredibly real. Driving around, not even worrying about advancing the story or playing the side missions, is remarkable. Throw in tremendous characters, storylines, dialogue, etc. I am not one for long games, nor am I usually willing to put the necessary time in required to beat a game. However, with GTA, every hour was enjoyable. Even after beating the game, I went on to finish the Lost and Damned add-on which was a great game in and of itself. If you haven’t played Grand Theft Auto IV, you must.